Contribution to food etc

[badgerread]

My DP and I have been together 5.5 years but don't live together. We both have 2 DS's each. He has his 50%, I have mine all the time bar EOW.

Next week neither of us have the children. I am on tight rein currently having just bought a new house. I was planning on eating at work at lunchtime and probably just having some fruit or something small in the evening as I'm not having to prepare a meal for the children, plus I will save money on food for the week as they're not here.

My DP however will be working from (my) home all week and will want lunch and dinner no doubt. I was really seeing next week as a chance to save money so how can I go about saying all this in a nice way.....

Say what you've said here! "Listen, when the kids aren't here I'm probably not going to be making myself a dinner in the evening because I'd like to cut down on my food bill. If you'd like to do something different could you get something in for yourself? Or we'll go shopping together and split it?"

My DP doesn't live with me and we don't split bills but he does sometimes work from my house while I'm out. He'll either eat from what's already in, or go out and get something for himself - but would ask if I want him to pick anything up so is happy buying stuff for us to share for dinner and getting stuff for (my) DC if I'm short on packed lunch stuff - he's an adult and he knows the fridge doesn't fill itself for free!

'When do you want to go and get a shop in for next week? I'm going to have a cutting down week for myself, so it's best if you pick the stuff you want to get in for you to eat'.

Or could you agree to have one meal together a few nights and just have fruit the others? Seems a shame to be living together all week but not eat together, though I see your point about costs.

Just talk to him like a grown up.

Tell him you won't be getting any food in so he'll have to sort himself out next week.

Just don't get any food in other than that which you want.

If he wants something else, he'll have to go out and get it himself.

I've got an OH I don't live with who really doesn't think twice about eating whatever he can find at mine - I would never dream of doing such a thing at his house! But mine really doesn't get the 'no money' thing, he has plenty, has never been short and can't get to grips with someone not earning enough to cover anything but the basics!

Why is it your responsibility to give him lunch and dinner?

If my DP expected to be waited on with food even when we're not living together, I really wouldn't live with him or marry him.

I wouldn't even tell him. Get your fruit/snacks in in and see how he reacts to no meals. His reaction will be interesting.

Is it possible he's working from your home next week so he won't have to think about food cos it'll all be sorted and funded by you? He's possibly tight and/or thoughtless...

Why is he working from your house?
Will he have your heating on all day?
Don't buy any food except for your lunch and leave him to sort himself out

He lives around an hour away hence staying with me while we don't have the DC...

I've told him what's happening. You never know maybe he'll offer to get a shop in...

Just tell him that you can't afford to get a shop in so could he please bring whatever he wants to eat whilst he's at yours.

I remember a line in book, written in the 1950s. "Men just expect meals to appear, and somehow they just do"

Why are you hinting? Hoping he’ll do a food shop? Why can’t you just speak to him like an adult and tell him? You sound 15

Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, but you’re a grown woman who’s just brought a house. How did you manage to do that if you can’t say to your partner of 5 years “I’m trying to save some money so I won’t be getting in any food next week so probably best you eat at yours or bring something with you”

Is he tight generally?

You never know maybe he'll offer to get a shop in...

You’ve been together for 5.5 years, ask yourself what type of relationship you have where you feel you can’t say what you’ve written here.