OH pestering me for sex had enough!

[Crustybreadandcheese]

I’m 16 weeks pregnant and I have just completely gone of sex at the minute. I can tell Day by day he’s getting more and more sexually frustrated everything he talks about is sex related. Shows me pictures on Instagram there always sex related! He pokes me with his d* in bed. I honestly feel like chopping it of! How on earth am I suppose to keep my sanity around him. We go on holiday on Monday he’s going to be following me around like a fly on shit.

Have you told him sex is not on the cards? He sounds thoroughky irritating. How disrespectful it is (its on the scale...) sort of depends on if he is aware it is NOT happening, or if he thinks he might be on so is regularly trying his luck. I would tell him you arent interested, the dick poking isnt cute or sexy, and you dont care about whatever it is on instagram. If he treats you respectfully now, your desire to have sex with him (at some point down the line) will eventually come bacm. If he doesnt...honestly it might not. Its quite off putting. Also, he needs to get used to it. After birth and with a tiny baby, having sex is not going to be a priority for a bit.

Is he affectionate/caring in other ways (which arent obvious ploys to try and have sex)?

Give him hand jobs.

give him hand jobs

Im sure he is quite capable of giving himself hand jobs,

He’s being very insensitive.

Some people, men and woman, go off sex got the whole 9 months - and beyond! It’s just one of those things.

Talk to him. Reassure him it’s not him, it’s just pregnancy related. But insist he stops harassing you as it’s not on.

Sounds like you've suddenly gone of sex, he hasn't and neither of you is happy. Just grow up and talk about it.

Have a think about how things were before the pregnancy. Did you have a lot of sex which you both enjoyed? Did you generally get on well? Did you feel he liked and respected you as well as 'loving' you, and was it mutual?

It's not unheard of for a pregnant woman to develop a real aversion to her male partner, when he is the same nice man he always was. But it's also not unheard of for pregnancy to show up the potentially devastating cracks in what had previously seemed like an OK relationship. If 'happiness' and 'peace' in the relationship had always been dependent on the man getting his own way in everything and being the focus of the woman's attention, pregnancy and early parenthood can make life very, very difficult. The man who is used to being the centre of the universe at home may try to enforce his wishes/punish his wife for being more interested in the baby than in him in a variety of undesirable ways: constant pressure for sex, complaints about untidiness and/or scrappy meals, moaning at the curtailing of hobbies and a social life or the lack of money. Some men get violent at this stage, some have affairs, some just go out drinking all the time.

Basically, if he was a selfish, entitled, demanding prick before the pregnancy, he isn't going to improve and it might be a good idea to start working out ways to remove him from your life sooner rather than later.

I agree you need to make it clear how you feel. All my pregnancies were high risk and sex was completely off the cards and although DH was frustrated he did get that this was how it had to be. He struggled most with dd1 as it was all new but didn't pester as such I could just tell he missed it.

Sounds like you've suddenly gone of sex, he hasn't and neither of you is happy. Just grow up and talk about it

Absolutely this

Eugh, being nagged and harassed for sex is such an instant turn off.

I've had a similar problem. Hubby and I always had a very active sex life before i got pregnant, if anything I had the higher sex drive than him. However as soon as I got pregnant I felt so unwell...it totally floored me and I just physically couldn't have sex with him anymore. He seemed to find this a huge shock and I noticed that if he hadn't got any for a few days he was all over me all the time and it did get really irritating because that's not really what you want when you feel so unwell!

In the end I told him just to get on with it and look after himself because I wasn't up for it...even that didn't seem to make him happy but he accepted it...I think seeing how ill i was and seeing me throwing up etc helped with that!

Now I'm in the second trimester I've found my sex drive has returned a bit but I've never felt so unsexy so I do struggle with wanting sex. However when I make the effort I do still really enjoy it and it also makes me feel closer to my hubby.

I think that sometimes when ur pregnant it's just impossible to have sex cause you can feel so horrible, but if you can I'd try to do it sometimes because ultimately, it's a relationship and being pregnant doesn't mean our husbands stop having needs and i'm sure ultimately having sex is good for the relationship!

I also don't think we can judge them too much for having needs...but a little understanding is always good!

Jesus. She should force herself to have sex when she doesn't want it as her husband has needs??
Fucking hell.
OP tell him how you feel. Be clear and honest.

Urgh being pregnant doesn't mean our husbands stop having needs

Seriously? I think my "hubby" would rather not bother than think I was taking one for the team.

No I'm not saying she should force herself to have sex if she doesn't want to!

I'm likening it to when you can't be bothered going out on a Friday night because you're tired, but you make the effort to do it (if you want to) and then have a fabulous time and are glad you did. That is all.

I'm also saying that just because we're pregnant doesn't mean that everything else in life stops...the world keeps turning and I can't see how not having sex with your partner for 9 months or longer is going to be good for your relationship! But that's coming from someone who thinks sex is an important part of a relationship..it's not everything or THE most important part, but I certainly couldn't be in a marriage long term without it so I can kind of sympathize with how my husband feels during this time.

Of course, if the relationship has always been a) happy and b)involved a lot of enjoyable sex, it can come as a shock to both partners that pregnancy makes the woman lose interest, or feel too unwell to contemplate it. (It can also be a problem if the man doesn't want sex with his pregnant wife - if he has deep rooted issues about women/madonna-whore complex, or goes off the idea because she's basically... fatter. Some women are really, really randy at some stages of pregnancy, as well). A couple who are both nice, well-intentioned people can deal with this by talking to each other and making an effort to maintain intimacy (in the sense of affectionate touch and general kindness and respect).
The man isn't inherently wrong if he would like sex with his partner. The woman isn't inherently wrong for not wanting it while pregnant (or while going through the knackered, bewildering newborn stage, especially with a first child). But you need to keep communicating, at least while you work out if one of you is being selfish and unreasonable.

Some pregnant women can’t be arsed to have sex/ don’t have the energy but still enjoy it if they do find the energy.

Many more literally are turned off the idea of sex or physical contact completely. It’s hormonal, and it’s not something you can get over by trying. No woman (or man) who feels like this should just do it anyway. Absolutely not, ever. And I’ve spent many years on and off like this due to hormonal treatments - it’s tough, but the alternative (literally traumatising yourself by doing it anyway) is far more harmful

Just tell him that you want to?

We talk and joke about it everyday but doesn’t stop him from asking and being all over me in bed. It’s been two weeks today as he likes to keep reminding me. I’m just to tired ds is one so I’m chasing after him all day by time he comes back from work at 10 I just want to go to sleep.

You could start by telling him that the more he waves his cock at you, the more tempted you are to chop it off. No one, ever (most of all, no woman ever) developed enthusiasm for sex because their partner kept nagging and whining and slobbering and mauling them...

Tell him that you do not want sex at the moment, that it is down to hormones, not unusual, and that the more he paws at you, the less interest you feel. Tell him to leave you alone and give you a bit of space, or he risks putting you off him forever.

Speak to him-not in bed! Tell him how incredibly off-putting his behaviour is. I’d fucking go ballistic if my dh did this.

Tell him that you are not interested in having sex and that it's not a matter of life or death and that he can take care of himself for the next year or so. He will find another outlet.