Toxic mil

[Lmj25]

Hi just wondered if anyone had experienced something similar as I am at my wits end. Mil has and always will have issues with alcohol. Been with partner 6 yrs and most of it has always been issues with her use to get along with her as I was young and naive however things have got out of hand over the years she has attacked me in front on my son then tried to turn it on me. She took my son out when he was months old(when I trusted her) ended up finding her pissed up 'looking after' my son this was 4 years ago but I do not forgive her the attack was last year. She has now been texting partner this morning why can she not take my son out on her own it's her time to
Shine as a grandma etc why do my parents get to look after him on a weekend. Reason being they are normal trustworthy people which she can't seem to understand. She has been to mine and caused ridiculous arguments countless times in front of my son, threatened me with court etc if she doesn't get her own way I know she couldn't get anything it's just the stress of it all is getting too much as pregnant with 2nd child and really do not want the stress from herAnyone had something similar?

So am I but that's partners doing I didn't let her near me or my son for a good 6 month after it happened however partner then talked me round it's not fair on her blah blah blah I'm too nice for my own good

You are controlling? What does he think telling you he must be allowed to take your child to his mum’s or he’ll leave you is? Very controlling.

Seems to be his new favourite thing anything I do/say to him I am controlling him just feel lost

Ask him why he wants to put his child under the care of someone who is threatening suicide. I wouldn't let my child anywhere near her for that reason alone, let alone the alcohol. If she's in a mentally unstable place she is in no position to be caring for a child.

I tell him to fucking leave, if he feels that that is the way to solve an argument. He's not exactly looking like the most responsible father.

You are not the controlling one in this scenario. That would be the twat throwing ultimatums around who can't be bothered to safeguard his own child.

If it is any consolation my mother was an alcoholic and One day she just died without warning. Apparently half her liver was dead and the blood had been diverted causing an aneurism. I know its not really acceptable to wish death on anyone but with a husband like yours I don't see how else this can be resolved. In your position I would just try to limit contact as much as possible and leave it at that.

My alcoholic F isn't allowed unsupervised contact with my DC. He's still married to DM, and when DC are there I'm quite clear that they are NEVER to be left alone with him.

I don't think he'd harm them, he's a sleepy alcoholic rather than a nasty one. I just don't trust him to sustain life in them, or himself for that matter. I don't want him dropping dead on them whilst nana pops out to the shops.

If he was anything half as bad as your MIL sounds then there's not a hope in hell he'd ever see them!!

Glad I'm not totally alone in the fact that othe r people are experiencing or have experienced something like this. I just don't understand how my partner can want our child around her I completely understand it's his mum and he'll love her unconditionally but he's got a child he needs to think about him and not her. I've been on the phone to him while he's been at work we've had a massive argument pretty much what I said earlier he doesn't want another child with me if it's going to be like this I reeled off some of things she'd done and he pretty much laughed even when I brought up when she'd hit me he saw it he had to get her away from me and he's saying I'm a drama queen it hurt especially as he knows how I feel about the situation. I feel asif it's all one big game to him

As per, it’s a dh problem. He needs to man up and tell her she cannot have your dc alone-ever. My parents are similar, hid the bottles when they were babysitting one night, despite promising not to drink, never allowed unsupervised contact again when the dc were young. It’s not worth the risk.

I'd still report the hitting to the police. Best get it on record, because if you do end up splitting, Mil will still get her way as he will just drop them off round there when he has them for the day.

I wanted the phone the olive there and then when it happened but I was terrified of her manipulating the situation to the police especially with my son being present. Would they be able to do anything?

Police sorry not olive lol

Well, I doubt they'd arrest her but they would investigate and it being on record could only help your case IMO. Your DH should also back you up, presumably? If not then you have much bigger problems than your Mil.

Hopefully someone with more concrete knowledge regarding likely police action will be along soon.

It is very difficult, as if you split up you will have no control at all, whereas now you can make sure you are there too whenever she is around your DC (even though this is hell for you!). The only things i can think of to suggest are:
Try to find a time to talk to your partner about it when it can't escalate into him insulting you and shouting - eg in a café or somewhere where there are other people around
Every time his mother does something unreasonable in relation to your DC, write it all down, so you have a list which might be useful if you ever need to try to prevent contact with her
I feel really really sorry for you and have had this sort of experience, horrendous

I agree with PP - if he says he will leave if you don't give in to his bullying then he leaves. Pack his bags and send them to his mums.

You are a mum and although it's sad that their father doesn't have their best interests at heart, at least your DC can count on you to protect them. Do you own or rent? Are your family close by? Do you have support?

You got two problems, the bigger one is your partner though.

I rent and yes got lots of support off of my parents they love having him at the weekend as they work full time through the week so it's their only chance to see him. However mil has a problem with that not sure if it's jealousy she's always saying 'her parents get to have him take him out etc' she doesn't understand they have never done me or my boy wrong and they're the only people I trust with him. Partner said yesterday if she couldn't see him then my son couldn't stay at my parents however I've put my foot down and I've not spoke about it since to him.