Ok so this will probably be long so I apologise in advance
Things within my marriage are just awful and have been for some time
3 years again OH wakes me to tell me he has a drug problem and needs my help to sort it this followed weeks and weeks of him being gone every Saturday night staying out all night at his friends then sleeping all the following day on the couch of no use to anyone at the time I complained I explained that it was unfair on me and kids (3 dds) for him to be doing these all nighters but he countered that it was only his friends house and he didn’t go out anywhere else which was true at that time, when he confessed to the drugs I was so upset and he failed to see why it bothered me so much especially when I explained that he had chosen his friend and drugs over his family!!! Two weeks after the confession with the atmosphere really frosty he gets annoyed with me because I haven’t done anything to help him!!!!
We eventually compromised and he stopped going to the friends house, this took months but refused any kind of counselling apparently my help was all he needed
From then on things were difficult on and off but we soldiered on
2 years ago he lost his Dad suddenly and for a while it brought us closer then he started to withdraw from us as a family watching tv in the other room nights spent sleeping in the couch and me looking after 3 kids who were grieving ( they were exceptionally close to their grandad) and I ended up doing the majority of support for his mother also this has continued and to be honest I’m fed up of it I got counselling for the kids which really helped them but he refuses to get any for himself
So to the most recent issues he has remained on the couch consistently since pretty much last September, his choice I might add, and there have been two fairly major arguments recently
- He accused me of spreading rumours about him and another family member, he claims the other family member made him ask me if I was involved ( I’m not and never was ) he couldn’t understand why I was so upset he Just kept saying the other family member asked him to ask me!!! I argued that he shouldn’t need to if he knew me or even trusted me???
- We had a stupid argument where to be fair I was being unreasonable I had said I would take the kids shopping and he in turn and told his mother she could go with us he then found a slight scratch on the car interior, (new car) and got annoyed I said fine if your going to be that precious I just won’t drive the car unless for work unreasonable yes but if I’m honest I wanted to go out with my kids not my kids and his mother while he stayed home all day asleep on the couch but in the middle of it all he called me a c*nt 4 times within earshot of both his mother and our kids, no apology apparently I need to get over it
I had to go to a funeral last Saturdays a young woman I work with (disability sector) a very sad occasion and I was dreading it, while one of the kids was helping me get ready he came in and started passing remarks about how oh Mom is really getting dressed up, and jeez wearing make up to a funeral is a new one on me and she must be trying to impress someone my 10 year old answered him with mom’s just trying to look respectable, even she could tell he was being passive aggressive I couldn’t answer myself cause I was fighting back tears
Before I left I asked him to hang out a wash ( I usually do it myself as he likes to fold items in half over the line and peg them that way particularly towels which then don’t dry, he also folds clothes the opposite way to me so then I have to fold them again cause when they’re put away they tip over cause of the way he folds them sounds daft I know but hard to explain) he refused and when I got back he started as soon as I got in with well we did nothing while you were gone not a bit and he meant it!!!
He doesn’t cook does about 5% of after school activities never does parent teacher meetings we have a child with SN he has been to about 3/4 meetings/appointments ever!!!! He spends a huge amount of his time at home either asleep or in another room watching tv, we both work full time!!!
Things have been so bad recently that every conversation is an argument and it’s Exhausting, Iknow im no picnic to live with at the moment either and I’m snapping at him as much as he is with me, if I go anywhere without him he’s ringing and sending voice messages from the kids, I drop the kids to childminder he leaves our house at 7:20am I leave at 7:35am he will ring at about 8am to see how I am and if I have any news? He can’t understand why this bugs me I have nothing new to tell him in 40 mins and if I did I’d ring him!!!! It annoys him if I don’t answer or if he rings me at work and I don’t answer it follows with remarks like oh mom is too busy to answer her phone kids, when we get home in the evening
I’m at the end of my tether and while my head says leave I feel I can’t I’ve no where to go and no money to go with I could ask him to leave but I know he won’t I don’t have any family close by and feel very alone
I suppose to be fair I’m not sure what I’m asking I don’t think I love him anymore but I’m scared about what’s best. There’s probably more I should add to avoid drip feeding but I’ve done my best, if you’ve got this far thank you for reading