I'm not sure if relationships is strictly the right place for this but I know many people are in the samesituation. I've posted something similar before and found it helpful then.
Can anybody point me to information about what child support is actually for and what it's supposed to be spent on? I could do with something definitive and official to show my ex. Perhaps I'm misunderstanding what you're supposed to do with it yourself.
Ex pays the amount worked out with the CSA calculator, based on somebody who earns about 10k less than him. This agreement was reached a couple of years ago when he was paying about half this amount but tried to reduce it. I used the CSA calculator to show him what he should be doing and this compromise was reached.
I would love to tell him to shove it entirely but TBH I need his contribution.
He has DD 2.5 days a week but these days are never the same two weeks running because his work is irregular. I'm self employed so I've always worked when she isn't at home. I find it hard to juggle it and earn the equivalent of a full-time wage. If I try and enforce regular access for more structure, I get told I am blocking their relationship. If I work when I need to, it's more often than not, the opposite of what he is doing, so DD never sees me.
Anyway, now ex is questioning what his contribution should be spent, and what he should do outside that, and I am looking for guidelines, something official as I find I don't really know for sure myself.
He wants a breakdown of what DD costs and how this equates to his payment and an equal contribution from me.
Ex feels he shouldn't pay the agreed amount now because we now live with my DP who shares our living costs. Is this right?
DP does share living costs, but we live in an expensive area. He's not a high earner himself and has a new business, but is very supportive when it comes to DD. When I can't afford the next term's dance classes for example, he pays. We're certainly not living the life of riley off DD's child support money.
- Should ex pay for childcare costs which are a result of his work hours?
-I am moving into an office so I can work more regular hours and hopefully earn more. I'll still pick up DD two nights a week and pay for one night's after school. Ex has always wanted to pick her up x2. I've suggested the times he can't do this and it's late notice, he should pay for afterschool but he says he already does with his CS.
The same for holidays. Ex wants half holidays, but only the days he is off work. I have said that now I need to work too and the days neither of us can be at home with DD, we should split for a holiday club which she loves to go to. Again, he won't as he says CS covers this.
- The next issue is clothes. I spend a lot of time packing and unpacking bags of screwed up dirty clothes. For school, activitives and over nights with Ex. Ex has expressed dissatisfaction with the reliability of my packing. I've given him bags of DD clothes to keep at his but they always end up back here. My solution is for him to purchase some nice but cheap clothes to keep there. He won't because he 'already buys her clothes' through CS. I'm sure some non-resident P's do this? I know of some.
I've given up arguing about it and have ignored his calls. This is the man who if he happens to have DD on a night she does swimming, makes sure he gets the £3.50 off me when he drops her off and doesn't think that's just a bit...well...tight.
I'd love some general knowledge about the issue so I can just state facts.