I've found suicide notes

[heartbroke]

Been with my DP for a few years. We are extremely happy, just moved into a new home and are planning to start TTC in about 6 months. Or so I thought. Doing laundry and I've just found 3 suicide notes in the pocket of his jeans. One to his mum, one to his brother and one to his sister. I'm absolutely fucking heartbroken. His dad committed suicide when they were young and I know he really struggled with it, but he always says how cowardly his dad was for doing that to them. How could we even consider doing the same thing and hurting everyone so bad. There's been no signs that anything is wrong, he seems so happy. I've just called him in a blind panic and he's alive and well in work, due home in 30 mins. I just pretended to be asking about getting dinner ready because I couldn't bare to ask him. What the fuck do. I do

I think you need to talk to him asap.

Poor you, what a shock

Oh how awful. You really do need to talk as clearly you didn't have any idea of how he was feeling. The problem is if it is a mental health issue, it doesn't have to be related to their day to day existence.

Don't even think about TTC at the moment

Good luck with trying to work it out and let us know

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Good luck with managing it

You need to talk to him tonight when he gets home. Prepare yourself for it to be intense and to hear things that will be upsetting. Support him, let him talk. Let him know you love him.
Put TTC on the back burner for now.
Good luck xxx

He's saying they are 8 years old. Before he met me and when they were still struggling with the aftermath of his fathers suicide. He's claiming he found them in an old coat pocket during the move and put them in his jeans to get rid of them whilst he was out the house so I wouldn't ever see them but obviously forgot they were there. He's said nothing to worry about and left now to go to pool for a few hours. I want to believe him but is that naive? Do I need to push more?

Do they look 8 years old? Did they read that way?

Well, are they 8 years old, or not? It would be pretty clear from the paper.

I’d push more.

Maybe it’s true but even if it is you’ve just had a terrible shock and you need him to be there for you after it. You need him to really truly reassure you.

If it’s a lie then at least you can open the lines of communication and be vigilant.

How long have you been together, OP? less than 8 years? I wonder as there wasn’t a note to you, too as well.

I would be inclined to believe him, that would explain why there wasn't one for you......perhaps

Tbh that sounds like an honest answer. You said it yourself, you moved into a new home, he is happy- he said he found them during the move and put them in his pocket to throw them away. And there’s no note for you.

Had he been thinking of doing it now, I think he would’ve been more careful and perhaps put them elsewhere

Crossed posts there

If they are 8 years old, that would explain why there isn't one for you? You poor thing. What a horrible thing to find.

Sorry, I meant that, if you have been together less 8 years, he might be telling the truth that they are old, and explain why there wasn’t one for you.

I would still talk to him, explain calmly that you love him and finding the notes were scary for you- you need to be reassured.

Don't be surprised if you have feelings of anger too. It's often an instinctive response. Try to keep them to yourself or talk to someone if you can rather than raging at him.

I second what @Mogleflop said.. do they look 8 years old?

We've not been together 8 years no, I did feel awful for feeling slightly confused why there wouldn't be one for me because obviously I don't want there to be any at all. The paper isn't like a crisp white new sheet, it's been folded a lot so can see signs of wear but i really can't estimate its age. I've tried bringing it up again when he got home and he got upset and said it was a low point for him and he feels so guilty he nearly put his family throw the pain of losing someone to suicide again and he doesn't want to talk about/or remember it. He's promising he's happy and that he can't wait to start trying for a baby. I so want to believe him but I'm just so traumatised from reading them.

I'd believe him and also stop bringing it up. He's in a totally different place in his life.

The multiple folds and no note for you supports what he said.

As there's no note for you I'd be inclined to believe him.

I agree with sandy I'd stop bringing it up. He knows you're there for him, his life is different now than it was 8 years ago. If he says he's happy and isn't showing any other signs that something is off then I think you should leave it. Let him do as he sees fit with the notes and let him know you're there if he needs you. I'd believe him, sounds very plausible to me.

OMG op they must have been a shock to find. I would also believe him. Don't bring it up again but I would have also worried too.

Thanks all. Never ever been so happy to be wrong. Really appreciate the replies