Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am i wrong to feel underappreciated?

6 replies

Lovewithcautionx · 28/03/2018 14:14

DP and I have been together 3 years.
When we first met I worked full time and he worked occasionally doing agency work. We lived with his mum for a while and then got our own place.
Due to my ill health and bad mental health I had to give up work. I finished my degree at uni and since then I haven’t been working. I get an income and DP recently got a decent full time job after getting a promotion.
We split the bills and i buy all the stuff for our pets/90% of the food we eat/all our toiletries/cleaning supplies etc. I also do all the housework and cook 5 nights a week.

We have recently decided to redecorate and got some furniture from a family member that was also redecorating. I have bought paint, bought new curtains, a new rug, etc etc to make the house nice. I have spent the last 2 days (approx 6 hours a day) cleaning and decorating and putting the new bits and bobs out in the house to make it nice for us and nice when we have guests etc (mostly his family). He has come home from work both nights and not even acknowledged what I’ve done, not acknowledged the painting, new things, nothing. The only thing he said was (when he text to ask what I was doing and I told him I was decorating) that I better not have got any paint on the sofas or anything. He also made me add up the total of the things I had bought in front of him and tell him exactly how much the stuff cost and what I had bought. I then said I bought some false eyelashes (£3.99) and he said “they’re not for the house why have you bought those”

I understand he works full time but I contribute to the house and am far from a “kept woman” and have legitimate reasons for not being able to work. But I’m trying my best at home and to make the house nice and always keep it clean and tidy and I feel like he doesn’t appreciate what I do at all?
I asked him would he make dinner last night because I was exhausted and in a lot of pain and he said only if I changed the bed (which he had said he would do).

Am I in the wrong to feel underappreciated?

OP posts:
TiredMummy18 · 28/03/2018 14:17

No your not in the wrong at all. I’d be fuming.
When you worked full time and he didn’t, did he do any housework? Or was that still all down to you?

If he’s generally a decent guy then just talk to him about all this, he might not even realise how he’s acting. If he’s generally always a twat then you know what to do.

dirtybadger · 28/03/2018 14:26

No you're not in the wrong. It's actually weird if your house is changing every day for him not to acknowledge it with a simple "oh that looks nice". Even "oh, not sure about that one- that bit looks nice though" or something, just some acknowledgement.

Its not clear how you split the finances. Why did he want to know how much everything was, if you paid for it? Or are you incomes pooled?

Thinking the best of him, I can understand the eyelash comment if you dont wear the frequently. If I bought my false lashes my DP would ask what they were for- in a curious not judgmental way, though.

Thinkingofausername1 · 28/03/2018 15:46

Hi in a similar situation. It's easy for people to say 'oh I'd be at home anytime and not work' yet working does give people a sense of purpose and achievement. Being at home can be dull and actually I think cause social anxiety.
It's always the ones closest to you who don't understand and fully appreciate how hard it has been, to do even simple tasks.
So I'm with you on this one.

Lovewithcautionx · 28/03/2018 21:39

@TiredMummy18 he did a bit more cooking then but cleaning etc was still down to me.

@dirtybadger we both pay bills to an equal amount, some come out of his account some come out of mine. We don’t have any joint finances at all. I have no idea why he was asking that, I think he was under the impression he might have to buy pet food or toiletries if I had overspent on the house stuff! I always have a supply of eyelashes lol I lost 2 pairs while we were away a couple of weeks ago so was just replacing them.

@Thinkingofausername1 the only reason I’m kind of glad I don’t work is the stress of working full time with health issues and no help with the housework etc would probably make me even more ill! Because I doubt he would pull his weight if I got a job. But I agree, I do think being at home has given me social anxiety as I don’t have a way to meet new people or find people I have things in common with as I don’t go anywhere!
All I want is a little acknowledgment that I’ve worked hard and done nice things to the house and a bit of thanks for keeping the house clean and tidy and always having his bloody dinner cooked Sad

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 28/03/2018 21:47

Could you work part time maybe? Staying home forever more won't help you.

He does sound unappreciative. I wouldn't be impressed being questioned about as cheap as eyelashes

trackrBird · 29/03/2018 00:03

No you’re not in the wrong. He sounds a miserable s*d frankly.

He also made me add up the total of the things I had bought in front of him and tell him exactly how much the stuff cost and what I had bought. I then said I bought some false eyelashes (£3.99) and he said “they’re not for the house why have you bought those”

All this with no appreciation of what you have done. He sounds as if he doesn’t care about you very much.

See what you can do about getting any sort of work at all (I know that is not so easy), and make plans for living without your partner.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread