Right, I'm going to run my current predicament past you wise lot. Please tell me straight how it is. . .
I've been with dh for 15 years, married for 13 and we have 2 ds who are 8 and nearly 10. I have posted about this before but need some honesty right now after another night awake and in tears.
Before we got married sex was never spectacular but every time I tried to tell him that I didn't think we were 'working' I got a raft of 'please, don't, I'm tired/stressed/ busy and when I get xyz sorted you'll be beating me off with a big stick.'
He was/is a nice lad and having been hurt before and then single for a few years with not even anyone remotely interested on the horizon, I stuck with it. We got married, it was 3 months afterwards before he finally slept with me and even then I felt like I'd raped him because I'd kicked up such a fuss. Sex was rare afterwards, he'd just climb on me, wait for me to put him inside me and then climb off when finished. And I can think of 1 occasion in our entire relationship when I didn't have to initiate it.
And things have never improved. He has ED and trying to have the boys was a bloody nightmare, he needed viagra and even then it didn't work. On both occasions after he got me pregnant he didn't touch me and after ds1 was conceived we didn't have sex again until he was 13 months and we started trying for ds2. After ds2 it was 8 years after his conception and that was only because I'd been having an EA with someone fab and he'd given me the confidence to assert myself a bit more.
Financially he's a nightmare, he's moved in with me, I sold my flat for twice what it was worth and put the deposit down on a family home with the deal being I'd pay for the kitchen/bathroom/stuff and he'd do the diy to finish it. 13 years on and I'm still waiting- for example we've had bare walls in our hall since 2004.
I was a teacher and always earnt more than him, I had to go back to work full time when the kids were 5 months old and he wouldn't listen when I said I wanted to go part time. I nearly had a breakdown so took voluntary redundancy and left. We're now in an IVA as we couldn't service his credit card debt and yet last night I found him moving his bonus out of our joint account. It's a good job I didn't think like that when I was the higher earner!
My in laws are foul, my late father in law once threatened to knock me out because I wanted to take my boys to the ballet and my mother in law is difficult and moody and will often turn on me, once in front of dh which amused me greatly as even he did a comedy double take. She does my school run for us as I've always had to work full time ( now have a different job but half the salary although my mental health is better.)
Finally we have no life, I keep begging for date nights but he always thinks of an excuse, although to be honest even if we do go out he'll just sit there and not speak.
So, am I being silly if I split up our family? I've trashed my body with a huge weight gain/loss and two big babies so I'll be on my own forever, but surely that will be better than this God forsaken marriage? I'm so unhappy but he thinks I'm having a mid life crisis and if he hangs in there I'll get over it, I have asked him to go several times over the past year but he refuses and says he thinks we've got a chance. I'm just so confused, what do you lot think?