Emotional Affair

[DamagedUnicorn]

Hello,

I recently found out my partner of 5 years has been having an "emotional Affair". I confronted him when i found texts on his phone and he told me his coworker actually has complained about his behaviour to there boss as she felt uncomfortable. I feel numb. I know he didn't have sex with her but for months I've been trying to salvage our relationship and this had completely threw me. He was distant but he always is, finding this out i feel so betrayed. The worse part is i found a text where he was begging her to forgive him and that he's Never met anyone so similar. When i asked him hows far this has went he said that he's had sexual fantasies about her but it never reached that point of intimacy. Also he said that the most they've done is a cuddle. I feel sick. Im trying to move past this for our LO but how ? All he keeps saying is he's messed up and he's sorry.

Has anyone experienced this ? Do u have any advice how i could possible move pasted this ?

I couldn't and that's my opinion. Is he even sorry?

Do you really want to move past this?
I know I couldn't.
Have you looked at life after separation?
Could you manage easily without him?
She's even had to complain about him.
Poor girl and poor you.
He's a creepy slimeball and you know it.
Do you want to live the next 20-30-40 years of life with someone like this?

Ugh

Im a fool i know it, i loved him so much. For him to do this to me makes me feel sick. I feel for the girl as well, she clearly wasn't interested and he made her feel so uncomfortable. I just wish that he didn't do this. We've just moved into a new home and he said he was excited for our future and he does this. Im still kind of in shock. My whole life has just been torn apart and I'm devastated.

Just to add he's my first partner, i have never been with anyone else. He's basically is my first love. Thats why I'm stupidly reluctant to leave him.

He's basically is my first love

That's no excuse for him to treat you like shit, or for you to sit there and take it.

Where is your self esteem? I'm sorry but this man doesn't want to be with in this relationship anymore. Suggest you get legal advice and separate.

Live and learn. There are plenty of decent men out there who don't behave like this.

Oh OP. What a shock - you're understandably floored. Take time to make the right decision for you. Not him. Not your relationship. For you.

He pursued an emotional affair which is hard enough to get over (I know I couldn't trust again) but he crossed major boundaries and harassed someone - I wouldn't even want to make it work with someone capable of that.

It's very hard - especially when you've just had your world turned upside down. Please get support in RL...friends...family...You need support right now.

You don't have to cling in vain to a first love. You'll end up denying yourself the chance to be happy with someone you can trust. Don't be scared to be on your own - there is support to get you through the early days and you may end up much happier and stronger than you would staying with someone who is distant and untrustworthy.

Put yourself first.

I don't have any self esteem left, i lived with his toxic family for the past 3 years. They were horrible to me, i thought finally moving would be the best thing ever but i was clearly wrong i probably should have left him years ago and saved my mental health. Oh yeah, to top it all off I've been diagnosed with depression months ago and he does this to me

Ok then...
No knee jerk reactions just yet.
As you have realised, you are in shock.
You need to wait for that to wear off and for reality to set in.
Give it a little while before you tackle this.
For now, could he leave for a few days to give you some headspace?

I think i need to just think, i needed advice on here because i have no family and since moving across the country i have no friends either.

I just need the world to stop falling apart, I'm going to spend time with my LO. Hopefully having sometime to think will help me.

Oh you sound really vulnerable with little support. The advice on here is pretty good. He has had an affair and for what you discovered he may have well have slept with her for all the difference it would have made...may have helped you though.

You need to let it sink in but be aware that given your situation you are vulnerable to letting this rat get away with it and to give your relationship another go. I guarantee you he will cheat again and you will have just grown another part of your life away. Here are decent and honest men out there

Taking time to think and spending time with your wee one sounds like a very good idea.

Considering separating can feel overwhelming but, when you're ready, if you decide you might go that way, there are lots of posters here who have been through this and can advise on the practicalities and help you through that. It's all doable and not as insurmountable as it feels now.

But only when you're ready. Early days yet. Enjoy your day with your LO. Take care.

Hi OP,

As everyone else says, yes, take your time.

Is he doing anything apart from moping around saying he's messed up and he's sorry

Is he looking for another job? Has he thought about counselling (either joint or separately for you both).

Does he help out with your LO?

Hope you have fun with LO today.

The thing you have to realise is whilst your putting up with his toxic family, your depression and his reprehensible behaviour for the sake of trying to maintain the illusion of what you thought your life together would be. It's all a mirage. He would leave you in the dust, and how would you cope then? It's not if but when. You need to open your eyes and think about your future.