Is this the beginning of the end?

[WednesdayApril]

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We don't live together, but see eachother several times a week. He's lovely - kind, funny, caring - it's been a fantastic couple of years, meeting someone who feels like my soulmate. He feels the same.

But a couple of days ago I felt like a switch had been flicked, and suddenly I find myself losing interest. It's as if I suddenly feel nothing. Objectively he's the same person as he was last week, but now I don't get a warm happy feeling when I think about him. Instead I feel uneasy and a bit sad. Nothing has triggered this, he hasn't done anything different from usual. My life is fairly hectic (kids, work), but there is nothing new going on. I don't think I'm depressed.

What is this? What is my brain dong?!! I don't know whether to ignore this and hope it'll go away, or try and articulate my feelings and risk hurting him. I've been in many relationships over the years, but this is something that hasn't happened to me before.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Hmm, I know you say nothing has triggered it, but something most likely has. Even if just in your subconscious.
Has he said something, done something, had a weird moment, seemed standoffish, is there someone else you have feelings for, have any other changes occurred in your life (work/family/friends/children)?

If not any of these things, I'd wonder whether it could be the end of the honeymoon stage - are you just seeing him and your relationship as "normal" now and therefore translating that to "boring"?

It's very normal for all of these things to effect your perspective. How long have you felt differently? Are you still going on dates, making an effort, keeping things fun? Could you try to inject some more fun into things in other ways?

Has anything else in your life changed?

Is it that, for any reasons, you don’t think the relationship is one you see yourself being in for the long term?

If you say "nothing has happened" do you really mean nothing or nothing big?
If you can identify little things, then maybe you should just call it a day. Sometimes it is little things that just cross the boundaries and show you that the relationship isn't right. You aren't married and don't have children - so do you want to stay?

Thank you. Our relationship is certainly fun - we don't live together, so we have dates, days out, cosy evenings - with very little humdrum routine stuff.

I have a nasty horrible feeling that it might be his weight that is starting to bother me. He's overweight - not massively, but he is definitely overweight, and has put on a bit since I met him This doesn't bother me as it is, but I know everyone gains weight as they get older, and I see him over-eating, and I find myself thinking that I won't fancy him if he gets bigger. God that makes me sound so shallow. I wish I didn't feel like this.

Could you go on a health kick together? Say to him you feel like getting a bit fitter and you would like him to join you?
You are not horrible.

He may have become complacent about his weight gain now he's settled into a relationship, and thinks he doesn't have to try any more!

It's not shallow at all - I don't understand why we're not allowed to say we wouldn't fancy our OH if they got fat. I wouldn't, just as I wouldn't fancy him if he became too thin. Don't get me wrong, we're both very "average" and not at all athletic or anything, but we're both physically attracted to each other.
Does he make any mention of his weight? Does he want to get fitter? As PP said, could you suggest exercising / getting fit together? Maybe if you start making some positive changes he will follow suit?

thanks all. Ryder I think you may be right! I think I might try and encourage him to do some exercise, but I don't want to be a nag. My family are all overweight and I work very hard not to be. I'm reasonably slim and I run regularly, so it's possible that any attempts by me to encourage him to lose weight would sound patronising.

Sometimes I worry it's me, and I'm just not cut out for relationships. I'm 50, never been married, longest relationship was 5 years, and it's always me that ends them.

Do you, perhaps, mistake the end of the 'honeymoon' phase as the end of all emotion? Once you've got used to someone and their ways and things become a bit more routine, are you missing that 'buzz' of excitement that you get in the early days?

The relationship you were in for five years...was that different? How? What made that the most long lived - him or you?

In my 5 year relationship we had a house together, so splitting up was a much bigger deal. so I put my doubts to the back of my mind. It wasn't until we finally split that I realised how relieved I was!

Yes, maybe it's just the heart-stopping honeymoon buzz that's gone, and I'm mistaking that for loss of feeling.

It just feels so sudden - it literally happened within 24 hours.

Things have only changed for you in the last 24 hrs and already you think it might be the beginning of the end

It’s no wonder you think you’re not cut out for long term relationships.

Yes, maybe I should just stop worrying! I posted because I wondered if anyone else had felt similar, and wondered what had then happened.

Especially given your ages and your family etc it’s not U to be concerned and not want a long term commitmet to a newish partner who is already overweight and putting on more weight with bad eating habits. Health risks etc.

I have some pretty bad eating habits myself and know change is hard.

The lovey dovey chemicals have worn off.

Some people really crave those chemicals and can't stay in a relationship without them. This means they tend to have short relationships. That's ok, if it's ok with you.

The longevity of a relationship isn't the only indicator of it's success.