So confused

[misschickadee]

Hello everyone I just wondered if anyone could give me a little advice pls
I was in a relationship with my partner for 3 years, he ended our relationship 3 weeks ago.
Since then we have been out to see his daughters play, to a concert together and we have just come back from a long weekend together.
He says he doesn't love me, but whilst we were away we had intimacy and we slept cuddling each other. We got on really well and now I'm confused. Nothing has really changed between us except for the title of being partners.
Although I took a lot of my things from his house. My toiletries are still in his bathroom, the drawer in his bedroom I used still empty, our pictures still up in his lounge.
I love him so very much and I am hurting so so much.
We discussed going away again together and he said he would like to. I just don't know what is going on
Between us.
If you don't love someone or want to be with them you don't spend time together do you? "Friends" don't sleep together? Don't keep photos up on their sideboard of you or your toiletries in their bathroom or hold you close most of the night whilst you are sleeping? Bring you your favourite biscuits? Tiptoe out of the house to go to work so as not to wake you and to allow you to sleep in?
I'm just so confused as to where I stand with him when he finished with me yet his actions show me he does love and care for me.

No his actions show that he is still happy to have sex with you, probably because nothing better has came along

I think you should take a step back and let him come to you with an answer either way regarding your "relationship" or you will be the one who gets hurt in the long run.

Why are you going away, and sleeping with someone who says they don’t love you?

Unfortunately it looks as though you’re a convenience to him - until someone else comes along

You’ve split up, so stay away from him and don’t let him treat you like this, don’t you think you deserve better?

He's keeping his options open so he can meet someone else whilst having you in the sidelines to provide a social life and sex. You may get on well but he doesn't love you and he's using you. Sorry.

You’re just sex to him now I’m afraid. He’s broken up with you and told you he doesn’t love you, that should be enough for you to run away with your dignity intact. The photos are still there purely because it’s only been three weeks and he hasn’t got around to putting something new in the frame yet.

If you stay having sex with him to retain intimacy, you’ll end up getting hurt. Probably around the time when you find out he’s been sleeping with others because you’re not together anymore.

And when you do find out he’s been going out/sleeping with other women, well he did say he didn’t love you and you had split up....

He's currently getting all the benefits of a relationship with you - while declaring himself free to pursue and have sex with others, because he "broke up" with you. Set boundaries for yourself.

The reason he still has the pics up etc; is probably because he doesn't register them any more. Soon as he gets with someone else, and they're noticed by the new woman - they'll be taken down!

And yet he's happy to leave you in such pain and confusion.

I understand why you are clinging onto what you can get but you must for your own sanity speak to him about what is going on. If he's not changed his mind you must protect yourself and stop meeting him.

He loves you but he isnt in love witg you 🤔. Hes happy to still spend time with you and sleep with you.
He may be struggling to cut ties but ultimately he is using you.
You need distance only then will he realise as will you if A) he misses you and does want to be together or B) he doesnt and will move on.
It will take strength but you need to do it be proud dont let him dictate what happens now.

You need to set the boundaries - don't do anything else with him. Clear out your toiletries or tell him to bin them.

And get on with your life. Go out with friends, do new things, be busy.

This kind of thing can drag on. But he isn't getting a chance to "miss you", and in his mind you are over. You need to sort your mind out and move on.

I was in a similar situation a few years ago, albeit we were never officially together. Was building up to a relationship and then he broke it off but we kept seeing each other. The whole thing went on for about 18months.

In the end after a very drunken row I declared enough was enough, I didn’t want it to be over but I couldn’t do it anymore. It was really hard because I’d fallen in love but he was messing me about too much and it was really messing with my head.

Two weeks later he realised what a fool he’d been and came running back asking if he we could make a proper go of things.

Three years later we are engaged with a 12 week old baby and everything is good.

The only reason I took him back was because I understood his reasons for not wanting to commit previously.

The point I’m making is if you carry on as you are it will mess with you, change who you are. You need to stop contact and give him the chance to come back to you properly. If he doesn’t then at least you’ve got away from someone who was just using you.

If he does come back to you make sure you get and understand his reasoning for doing this or you will live in fear that it will happen again.

💐 🤗

It's very painful. But it will continue to be painful unless you break it off and start to heal.

He's using you. He's not being a good person.

And will continue to do so unless you take charge and put a stop to it.

He will meet someone else and your heart will be savaged.

He will claim he never lied to you, that you had broken up and yet you were happy to go along with no strings sex etc.

Oh I'm so sorry. This is a tale as old as time, Person A doesn't want a relationship but keeps Person B around for sex and Person B goes along with it as they're still smitten and thinks it's a sign that they're getting back together.

As the wise Ms Dua Lipa says if you're under him you ain't getting over him. Please stop sleeping with him, and ideally cut all contact as all that's going to happen is you're going to get hurt. If he wants to be with you then he would be.