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Original poster

Met someone ten years younger. Gulp! Can it work?

26 replies

Evengalina · 28/03/2018 00:30

I’m 40. He’s 30.

I don’t have children. Neither does he. But we both want them.

I’m living in fantasy. Right?

OP posts:
Tinkerbellx · 28/03/2018 00:36

It could if your both committed ?
Just might mean serious conversations about family sooner than you would if you were 30 .

How long have you been together ?

Crispbutty · 28/03/2018 00:42

My dp is 35, I’m 49. It’s worked for us for 4 years so far and still going well. He has kids already though and I don’t but from the beginning we knew that was not going to be on the cards and it’s not an issue. We have talked about looking into fostering maybe in the next few years.

MammaH2018 · 28/03/2018 00:58

10 years between my parents and they are nearly 40 years married.
If you click,then you click 😊

DarkNightDelight · 28/03/2018 01:19

My partner is 47 and I'm 34 ☺️ the age gap isn't a problem and I want kids with him x

bonjourbear · 28/03/2018 01:24

My boyfriend is 26, I'm 36. Love him to bits. My mother has a theory that older woman/younger man makes for the happiest relationships. Not sure how true this is, but he's certainly made me very happy. I think you should go for it

Josuk · 28/03/2018 03:01

OP - no one knows.
And relationships of all ages do break down for many reasons.
And of course - in the short (medium) term a day next 10 years it shouldn’t matter.

After that - I do have doubts about the age difference. Menopause will kick in - and it can affect women quite badly. A few of my friends have been. And a husband who is still only around 40 - may or may not want to deal with that.
Then further along - he’ll be nearing 50 - and, often, men it’s a midlife crisis time. And you’ll be nearing 60.
And - if the crisis hits - men tend to go for 30-40s age group.

Not saying any of this is about your and your bf.
Just - wouldn’t chose that path if I had a choice myself

Mrsfluff · 28/03/2018 03:42

There's 8.5 years between me and my partner. I'm 41 and he's 32, we've been together for about 16 months. We are very happy together. I have one child, a teenager, but he doesn't have any and neither of us want another child. We are very evenly matched and get on brilliantly. Good luck!

feistyfifties · 28/03/2018 05:08

Of course it can work. My dp is 18 years younger than me. I'm 54. We have a great relationship and have been together 6 years. He adores me and says he's in it for the long term. We laugh. Alot. We have different interests but that's okay. Both families have been warmly accepting of the relationship. Other people might gossip. I don't care. My friends think he's great and he gets on with them well. If you click, you click. Just go for it, OP. You'll always wonder otherwise.

rocketgirl22 · 28/03/2018 05:17

You have nothing to lose, go for it! Don't wait if he is the one.

TheNaze73 · 28/03/2018 07:32

I think you can, provided you want the same things.

Once the lust bubble bursts & you’re both thinking logically & rationally will be the acid test, like it is for any couple, regardless of age.

ShatnersWig · 28/03/2018 08:47

Works for some, doesn't work for some.

My ex was 11 years older than me and we managed almost 11 years together although should have called it a day much sooner as we definitely drifted apart and the age difference was very much the issue.

Original poster
Evengalina · 28/03/2018 09:33

Thanks everyone! I’m feeling a bit more confident now.

I’ve only just met him, so it’s really a case of do I go for it or not at this stage.

He seems much more laid back about the age gap. Which is probably because he’s not thinking too hard about the future! But I don’t think that’s a bad attitude to take TBH. As a pp has said, relationships break down for all sorts of reasons and so taking it a day at a time is probably quite a sensible approach.

OP posts:
Babyblues052 · 28/03/2018 09:40

Nope not a fantasy. My nana was 10 years older than my papa. They were very happily married. Met when my nana was in her 30s with children! And my papa was in his 20s. Depends on maturity levels, how well you get along and what you both want from life. Just like every other relationship.

Give it a shot!He could be your one, don't throw happiness away because of some thing so insignificant Flowers

Cat2014 · 28/03/2018 09:45

My dp is 25, I’m 37. We are very much in love, he’s absolutely wonderful and to be honest the kindest, most respectful, mature man I have ever met! It helps that I am the extrovert and he is more of an introvert so we balance each other out really well, I have no doubt that we are both in it for the long haul. I have a child, he doesn’t.. but he’s wonderful with my child and we would like a child of our own in the next few years. He is fully aware that it may not happen though due to my age and is absolutely fine with that if it doesn’t. As someone else said we had to have that discussion earlier than we would normally because of my age.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 28/03/2018 12:12

I'm 36 (female), my OH (Male) is 26. We met at 30 and 20.

It's fine and now I am used to the age gap. I don't even notice it any more.

Neither of us wants kids so it's not an issue in that regard.

TatianaLarina · 28/03/2018 12:40

Depends if you can still have kids, it may be a dealbreaker for him if you can’t.

Aprilmightmemynewname · 28/03/2018 12:43

I met now dh at 41 and him 31!! We are married with a toddler now. I had dc when we met already too!

StressedtoHellandBack · 28/03/2018 14:09

I am with someone 7 years younger than me. We both have adult children. Due to health reasons there can be no further children. We both spent years alone because we had such bad experiences. It was very exciting and stressful at first but we stuck with it. His ACs are very pleasant to me, he has not formally met my ACs but he has seen them in other situations. He does not think my ACs are very nice to me.
I don't know where this is going or how long it will last but right now I am going with what ever happens. He spends time with me but my ACs do not, apart from when they want something.
My opinion would be as long as you are happy and enjoying your time with your new partner you should do just that.

CowesTwo · 28/03/2018 14:17

I am 9 years older than my husband, been married 22 years. A good friend is 19 years younger than her husband, and they are blissfully happy and also long married. -

Thinkingofausername1 · 28/03/2018 16:14

It can work if there is respect both ways.

HazelBite · 28/03/2018 16:59

Ds1's wife is 11years older than him. The children question was decided that they didn't expect to have any, however DIL unexpectedly got pregnant, which tragically didn't work out, but it changed their ideas about a family.
I nowhave two gorgeos little grandsons (adopted)
Phsically when you look at them they look like any other family DIl does not look any older than DS, they look like any other happy couple.

Ds3 is about to be married in June his partner is 7 years older than him.
But I'm five years older than DH so its a family trait!

gussyfinknottle · 28/03/2018 17:02

My dh is 7 years younger. We both wanted kids. I married him Age 39 and had my dd aged 41. I got pregnant within 5 weeks of trying. I had never been pregnant before.
Good luck.

gussyfinknottle · 28/03/2018 17:03

Been married over 10 years btw.

MarieG10 · 28/03/2018 17:06

Um...well interesting. If he wants kids (and this is incredibly early in your relationship), he must know that the chances of having with you are somewhat significantly diminished given the drop in fertility after 40. So unless he hasn't a clue about female fertility (wouldn't surprise me) I would just go with it and just enjoy yourself

ALittleBitConfused1 · 28/03/2018 17:13

I married a younger man, only 5 years younger but it didn't work for us. Although I'm not sure it was just the age I had a child he decided he wanted one, I didn't so I ended It and we remained friends, thankfully.
I think it's easier if you both want kids and the woman is younger for obvious reasons.
You're pretty much in the scenario where as you both want children, and your age is approaching the 'It gets trickier' stage you will probably have to make that decision quicker than most. I wouldn't be happy to have a child so early with someone so much younger.