Confused?!

[Yelloworange1111]

I have been in a relationship for 5 years which ended last October (by me) as my partner was becoming complacent and unaffectionate which after talking things through for months, wasn't changing. We own a property together.

At the end of December I started dating someone else (the owner of the company I work for) and things got quite serious very quickly. We have known each other for almost 2 years but both always in relationships which he has been out of for a similar length of time (married, not yet divorced).

My ex partner has tried to sort things out several times since however this time has really affected me. He seems to have done a lot of growing up and it's hard to ignore someone you still love and have a lot of history with.

The issue is, the man I have been seeing is great, always puts me first. Plus I love my job. The only "negative" (not a negative but something I may end up finding hard) is he has 3 children and has been / is married. I'm 29 and haven't done these things yet.

Now I'm torn, do I move on and see where this new relationship goes or give my ex another chance and do all the things we planned? I feel like there is a lot at stake. I go back and maybe lose a great guy and great job for nothing or do I stay and potentially lose someone that is my soul mate?

Help!

So your boss is less than 6 months out of a relationship in which he had 3 kids? Way too soon to be getting serious with you or with anyone. Where are his kids in his priorities if he always puts you first? I can assure you if he's a good dad then he won't be putting you first once the honeymoon period has worn off. I'm a stepparetnt myself and it's bloody hard, at your young age I wouldn't even go there.

I think you need some time by yourself, if the new man is your soul mates he'll wait for you. As for your ex, it sounds like he's on best behaviour to try and win you back. Why has it taken you to leave him before he chooses to buck his ideas up?

Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. You are scared about taking on a man with some baggage and children, and why wouldn't you be? I did the same, but with a wonderful woman and her three children. That was over 15 years ago, and it was without doubt the best thing that ever happened to me.

You have a choice: stay in a rut, or take a leap into what could be a fantastic future. It might not be, but at least you will have tried. Remember that we regret most often the things we did not do and opportunities we passed by, not what we did.

Good luck.

You may not love your job if this new relationship goes tits up. In fact, you may hate it.

Okay I'll reword "He's very considerate and a gentleman towards me".

Of course he doesn't put me before his children. He's actually a great dad and has a good arrangement of when he has them.

I completely agree on the last part. It's frustrating that it took me leaving from him to get his act together I guess I can understand how that does work for some people.

I'm not sure I would be in a rut by seeing how things go with my ex, that's what is making this so hard.

Thanks for everyones opinion so far though :)

Why does it have to be either or?

Neither of these men sounds great to be honest. Are you frightened of being single?

Your ex is unlikely to have changed. It will be the same old same old within three weeks and you know it. Dating your boss is a bit stupid really unless you knew you wanted it to be serious, but it doesn't sound like you do.

Have a grown up conversation with both men. Tell ex you are exes for a reason, and you should each move on. Tell boss you are worried that you both leapt into new relationships too quickly and you want to cool it off a bit.

Then just try being on your own and sort your head out.