In a mess - MM and OLD

[ThirdTimeUnlucky]

I've been posting under Relationships a while, specifically under the OLD thread.
Last yr (March) I separated from my STBX before I had an affair with MM. I ended it with MM in Sept and began OLD to a) get over him and b) looking for a genuine relationship.
I've since dated around 30 guys.
During this time I have tried to go NC with MM but caved in and seen him several times.
Only a couple of dates have ticked the necessary boxes for me. One guy who future faked me and then asked for a FWB relationship. I really liked him before that and was upset. I let him know what I thought of him and moved on. Several dates later I met another guy who I really liked but he also future faked me and again I ended it, more politely.
Currently, am seeing a guy I used to work with nearly 30 yrs ago. I only agreed to meet him out of curiosity. We got on great and have been seeing him about 3 weeks now. Very intense, sex is the best I have ever had! We are both on the same song sheet in that we both came out of long-term relationships and need to be independent, i.e. not live together in the near future. We both want stability for our kids. Both agreed not to sleep with anyone else. Problem is, his relationship only ended late last year. He's more cautious than I am and says things like, "If you meet someone else and have sex, let me know, I'll still be your friend". However, when we are together, he acts like we are a couple and is incredibly loving and sweet. I'm really falling for him.
Now for the problem

1. MM wont leave me alone. Keeps messaging. My stupid phone lets me know when a blocked contact msg me so it's hard to ignore. I've recently told him I don't need him in my life and will not be a substitute for the lack of intimacy and sex in his marriage. If he had left her last year I would have run away with him. I was deeply in love. In the back of my mind, if he ever left I'd be there like a shot. I feel guilty for not responding to his messages and feel like I have abandoned a good friend.
2. The future faker contacted me again recently saying he couldn't dislike me despite the nasty things I'd said at the end. He'd like to see me again. I did see a future with him. He is a long time divorced, own house etc. If it wasn't for the new guy, I'd respond.
3. Recent future faker said that if I ever want a FWB to get in touch. Again, if I was bored I'd see but again, new man.
4. Latest guy - I told him that it's early days and no one knows what the future might bring but I don't want to get further involved with him if he wants to explore his options. He denies this but with my history I am afraid I'll get hurt. So I constantly switch my behaviour between being cool and going all in. So - as you've probably gathered, I fall for guys quickly! Most of my relationships are sexual (I guess I have a high sex drive). Out of all the guys I've dated more than once, they all come back to me and I am friends with quite a few. I kinda know what my problem is, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I have sex too soon, I'm scared of getting hurt, I also leap from one guy to the next. What advice would you give me for the future?

It seems you’re looking for proof that you are attractive, men want you.

Seriously. If you want a future with any man, you need to block MM and future fakers. Stop giving THEM validation that you’re still up for sex even though they don’t want you for you (not just your body). All you’re doing is stroking their egos and showing them they are so irresistible that you’ll go back for sex even after the crap they put you through.

If you want a future with new man, stop hankering for validation from other men. See how it goes.

But I really think you need a break and to not convince yourself that you ‘need’ sex to satisfy your high sex drive - that’s what’s leading you to these men. Otherwise you’d be happy with latest man since he’s the best sex.

Sorry! What was the question?

How often are you seeing people when you start dating? I dont understand how you have managed to develop things so quickly with multiple people in a year.
3 weeks = 2 or 3 dates, max 4? Even if you have sex on the first date (fill your boots), you cant cant know someone at all after meeting and shagging a few times. There isnt any need to "hold out", but you need to cool things so that feelings develop a little more naturally, IMO, otherwise you will keep flitting from one infatuation and set of fanny flutters to another. Going back to your degree will probably help as you will be busier and your mind more occupied.

Oh and obviously get a new phone, etc.

Look. Women, any women, can pretty much guarantee that she can find a bloke to fuck her. Some men will fuck anything with a pulse (no disrespect to you....you are probably gorgeous)

Having random blokes wanting to poke you is absolutely no reflection on how great you are. I could go and get a shag tonight if I wanted to, no problem. I mean....have you seen the toothless wondes on Jeremy Kyle who are fucking like bunnies every day of the week ? If you measure your self esteem this way you will het shafted in more ways than one

Find your self respect and be a bit more discerning. Married men should certainly be off the menu. And repeatedly choosing blokes who consign you to fuck buddy status is not an accident, it's a pattern

Do better than this

Nothing to add as such great advice given already. Dating 30 men in such a short amount of time seems a lot though - I don't know what is the normal amount but seems high to me!

Have you considered polyamory as a lifestyle choice?

If I met a man who talked about 'our' future early on, I'd run a few hundred miles. Can't think of anything worse, whether it's fake or for real.

I'm not aiming to be rude, but you sound desperate - as though you have to be dating / in a relationship.

Why? Why not just be you.....single. Having fun with friends. Why the need to get through so many men to find someone/anyone?

Yep, I do sound desperate, lol.
I'm maintaining NC with them all apart from current bloke.
I have a Huawei phone which sends me a msg to say I have a msg from a blocked contact!! The notification doesn't go away until you open it. Mental!
There is a huge back story isn't there always! with myself and MM but I don't owe him anything and it's pointless hanging onto him.
Some of you wondered how I've dated so many in a short time. I was seeing more than one at a time, not putting all my eggs in one basket and trying not to over-invest. Guess it all got a bit confusing and messed my head up a bit.
At least I've not messed around with my current bloke. He's actually good for me.
So, I'll leave it there. I appreciate all your comments, the nice and the rude. I guess I needed to hear it all. Thank you.