Not wanting sex with DH

[dickertyboo]

Just as the title says really, I don't want to have sex with my DH and to be honest I don't know why or the reason for not wanting it, I do love him but just don't have the feelings of desire for him and haven't done for a very long time.

Btw having gone through similar i dont agree with shatner that the relationship is over unless you want it to be.

I do think you need speak honestly about it though what i found awful was being given excuses when the truth may have been painful but would have been easier in the long run.

I was in a similar situation to you OP and my DH and I had about 6 months of sex therapy through Relate, we needed help to re-evaluate and talk through the issues without it exploding into arguments and hurt feelings. Our sex life improved immensely and we're also so much better at communicating now. It was well worth the effort and I definitely recommend it.

Is he a good lover who is attentive to your needs and satisfying you?

Do you feel he contributes enough to the daily chores? Or are you too tired?

You say it's just him ..so do you desire other men in that way?

Thanks TalkingIsBest for all your advice and good to get the advice from the other side so to speak, I definitely don't want to hurt my DH intentionally and I realise being told you are not desired is hurt enough so will be having a good chat, hopefully will help us to move forward with this and help our marriage if we can.

SuffragetteCity it's good to know about the relate and something I can put to my DH to give us both hope that things can get better.

Also to both TalkingIsBest and SuffragetteCity it's good to learn from your experiences that it doesn't necessarily mean the end of our marriage.

SandyY2K yes he is a good attentive lover who satisfies my needs and he does help around the house, although of course there are times when I'm too tired.

Whilst I'm not looking for anyone else to have sex with I at times have seen other men and thought about what it would be like to have sex with them and how I probably wouldn't say no if they asked and I wasn't married.

Dickerty i would think most people in a ltr have seen someone else and thought phwoar what if i wasnt married , the excitment fades in a ltr and its normal to want some of that excitement back.

I’m not sure why you dont have those feelings any more (assuming you did have them previously for your DH). Maybe this is more common than people think.

The usual question asked on here is do you want to spend the rest of your life like this, dont be swayed by anonymous people on the internet only you can truly answer that.

Dickerty did you manage to talk about it? Its a difficult thing to discuss but necessary imo , would be interested to know how it went and whether you’ve come up with any ideas to help the situation?

I don't want to have sex with my dh but it isn't about him. I have put a couple of stone on after last dc (emcs) and feel unsexy and minging tbh!! The last thing on my mind is showing off this body!! He is patient but hurt understandably as he says I am gorgeous! Have hit the gym and hoping when I feel better it will show!! Any similarities to you op?

TalkingIsBest no we haven't had the chance to talk as yet but to be honest there has been a few arguments recently but not about the lack of sex which has made me realise I don't like a lot of things about him and that could be one of the biggest reasons for feeling the way I do.

Aprilmightmemynewname I have put a lot of weight on over the course of my marriage and whilst it doesn't bother me within my marriage and certainly doesn't put my DH off me, I do at times look in the mirror and wonder why he would still fancy me.