DH and I have been together 25 years and have a 10yo DD. Things changed, naturally, when she was born - after 15 years of being childless of course it was a massive change in our lives.
It hasn't been easy for quite some time now and if I look back I'd have to say it changed after DD was born and has never got back on track. There have been good times and the rest of it fairly calm and what I'd think of as normal daily life.
Our relationship has never been volatile - I have a temper and he is a sulker so we don't argue well and rarely resolve it. But then again we have never argued that much so it hasn't been an issue as such.
Until now, the last year maybe when arguments have been more frequent and the fact we can't resolve things more apparent.
Neither of us likes the way the other behaves:
- he thinks I spoil the dogs and I think he's too strict with them
- I think he's only interested in the money I earn but still expects me to do most of the housework (I wfh)
- he thinks I spend too much on stuff he doesn't think we need (argument last week about a lampshade for eg)
Anyway, a couple of months ago we had a huge row (about money) and he stormed out saying he couldn't take it any more and that I had ruined his life. I told him to toss off and didn't care if he came back or not. Like I say neither of us are squeaky clean in this. He didn't come back for 5 days although we did communicate in that time and he asked me if he could come and see me.
For a few weeks all seemed back to normal and then last week started again - the lampshade argument was on Wednesday.
Yesterday midday we had a row about hot cross buns, totally ridiculous and again neither of us was right and neither was wrong. We just can't communicate. He left saying he was going out as couldn't stand being around me. I told him to fuck off then.
He came back and ate with us, tried to talk after DD went to bed. He said it was really over this time and we needed to start sorting things out - house and so on. I said was he sure, he didn't answer and soon after that I went to bed. He looked upset at one point but still seemed pissed off with me more than anything. He said he was definitely leaving the next day (that's tonight).
This morning I was up first, he came down for breakfast (DD was still asleep). He didn't have a bag so I asked if he was coming back tonight and he said yes. So I asked if it was to stay or just collect his things. He said he didn't know and that's how we left it.
So what on earth do I do? I probably haven't painted either of us in a very good light but most of the time we're just a normal couple, but these arguments are awful.
Should I just bite the bullet and tell him I want to end it? At the moment it's left in his hands as I'm dithering back and forth between what's best for me and DD.
I probably haven't explained things properly and we sound awful and unfit to have dogs let alone a daughter.
Are we just not compatible any more? I have suggested counselling but he's not interested.