Worried about the future

[SingleAgainThen]

My husband & I have decided to split up, we’ve been having problems for about 2 years now, have tried to get past them, had couples counselling & I believe I’ve done everything I can to save the relationship but we now just don’t want the same things.

The split is now becoming a reality as he’s found somewhere else to live & we’ve told our eldest two children - we both had a child each from previous relationships.

In a few week’s time when he moves out, we’ll have to tell our little one who is nearly 5 which is going to be heart breaking.

I’m now so scared about the future, being responsible for two kids on my own, I’m worried about money, being lonely & I don’t know what the future looks like now which is petrifying me.

I don’t want another relationship for at least a very long time but I’m scared about being on my own & so sad that it has come to this.

I don’t know how I’m going to cope.

You will cope.
You are stronger than you think.
And after a few months of adjusting to the new normal you will find your confidence, self esteem and optimism levels rising bit by bit until you become what you always have been - an independent, strong, capable, kind and loving individual who has strong boundaries and doesn't take any crap.
You will be fine if you believe in yourself. That is number one lesson.

Thanks pal, that’s really lovely to hear.

You'll be fine. Looking after the kids on your own isn't all that hard - I'm sure you do it a lot already. And you also get a break when they stay with their dad so in some ways it's often easier for mums after a split. Having to do everything around the house is so much easier when you don't have another capable adult shirking their share of the responsibility for it.

Similarly with money. As a lone parent you may be entitled to some financial help, tax credits if you're on a low income, discount on council tax etc as well as a contribution from your ex towards taking care of your child if you are the main carer.

Get your facts around you re money as that is one worry which can be easily put to rest. Personally I feel I am better off as a single parent than being in a marriage with a man who made me feel guilty for buying anything other than value basics at the supermarket while spending money on himself!

Having the freedom to make your own decisions is a great thing, even down to what you eat for dinner or watch on TV. There are plenty of good things about being single. The fear of it is so much worse than the reality.

Obviously at some point you may feel like venturing into the world of dating to meet someone but in the meantime try to surround yourself with friends and hobbies etc to keep you busy and interested. You may be surprised about who is there for you when you need them. You can do this!

Thanks both, this is what I need to hear right now.

Keep posting, there are so many people on here who have been through it come out the other side happy and fulfilled. They can give you support and advice throughout the whole thing

I separated from my exH almost 2 years ago. Our DC were 7 and 5 then. In many ways it is easier. My exH was absent dad pretty much, and had created a bad role model (not doing anything at home, eating separately, not taking DC anywhere) and it has been easier now that the three of us do housework and fun together.

As exH saw DC regularly, I managed to get a regular break which was awesome. Unfortunately he stopped doing that now.

I've also had an aupair so I am not terribly tied in. Whilst I work full-time, I also manage to go on dates and nights out.

ExH has paid his maintenance, not terribly a lot but we are ok more or less.

Overall life is better.

Thanks Cat, that’s good to hear. This is my second marriage. When my first one ended I was so relieved & full of hope - went out had fun etc.

This time round, I just feel the weight of responsibility on my shoulders, I feel desperately sad that I can’t seem to make a relationship work & my poor children are bearing the brunt of my failures.

I know my relationship is a bad one but admitting it’s over has made me feel so lost & scared.