Couples therapy

[miniface]

I'd like to hear your experiences of couples therapy, good and bad.

My husband and I have been married for 2 years, 1 DC. We don't live like a married couple. When I look at our relationship I think it looks more like two people that share a flat, rather than two people who are married, have a child together and love and care about each other.

In my mind, we seem to rub alongside each other as long as I go along with him and what he thinks. If I disagree it ends up in an argument.

In his mind I am horrible to him and always nagging him. He dismisses the underlying issues and thinks that if I am nicer to him everything would be ok.

Sex life is dire. We would both like to improve this but we seem to be constantly irritated by each other and that hardly makes you want to jump in to bed with each other.

I really want to make this work. We have a lovely life, a lovely DC and I do love him. Does anyone have any experience with couples therapy, positive or negative that might be useful in this situation.

Look in to using Relate - they offer a good service. I tried it once but unfortunately it was too late for us. Good luck

I used relate with my ex and it was terrible. I'm now seeing a psychotherapist with DP and it has been useful to explore different ways of doing things but I don't think it's a quick fix, or any kind of fix at all if your values are fundamentally different.

*In my mind, we seem to rub alongside each other as long as I go along with him and what he thinks. If I disagree it ends up in an argument.

In his mind I am horrible to him and always nagging him. He dismisses the underlying issues and thinks that if I am nicer to him everything would be ok.*

This seems to be the nub of the problem. You have been bullied into being the peacekeeper, having your voice silenced and now (perfectly reasonably) feel resentment rising. He is acting as the "headmaster". Not a good place to be in. Do you really believe if you "were nicer" that he would be happy? or will be never be satisfied?

If you think he not being abusive you should try couples counselling . It might help you communicate better and develop plans to start working better together again. If you feel he is emotionally abusive then I think you would be better seeking counselling on your own.