In the style of Jeremy Kyle, with bling, am I being unreasonable?

[Onemansoapopera]

To clarify the title.

This post is about my exh, DD's dad. He's extremely wealthy but his life is like the most messed up Jeremy Kyle episode ever, but with flash cars, art and first class travel etc etc.

After we split he met his new partner. They have been on and off from the outset for around 5 years. They are together roughly 3/4 months then split for anything between 1-4 months. They also married and divorced within this time, had two young children and have just had another a couple of weeks ago by IVF. They always get back together because he had a pre-nup and she gets very little if they split for good and she very much likes the lifestyle. (I took nothing when they divorced as I very much don't like the lifestyle, but I think shrewd business man that he is, he kind of saw her coming so to speak). They have both been arrested for assaulting each other. She has also been arrested for assault and criminal damage for slashing his car and his paintings and she was served with some kind of harrassment order for criminal damage to my DD's things and for harrassing her whilst she was playing with her friends at the park - she was only 10 at the time :-( We are all in our mid/late 40's.

Exh DP has always been awful to DD, she effectively pushed her out of her dad's life. Everytime they split which is regularly as I said, she will threaten that DD will never see her younger siblings ever again etc. She is the worst of the worst 'step mother'.

Anyway. It transpired just after Christmas that EXH had been having an affair with much younger married woman from work for around 3 months (Hh says, so probably longer). (Golddigger mark 2. I say this because I don't think she would be sleeping with him if he lived in a bedsit). He and his DP promptly split, then reunited one day before baby was born and back to happy families for a day or two. Then EXH DP tells affair woman's husband and they split. This week it transpires EXH is back to sleeping with woman from work and EXH DP is now (incredibly) sleeping with woman from work's husband.

You could not make this up, but unfortunately it's true and right in the middle is my DD who is being pulled into by her dad oversharing and taking her out for lunch with affair woman (closer in age, more in common etc).

I don't care who's shagging who, I think they are all grim to be honest but what I do care about is that DD is 15 ,trying to revise and about to take her GCSE's.

I've given a very potted version because frankly, the long version is ridiculous. I know some people will think I'm very invested in my ex. I'm not and I wish more than anything he would stop sharing his sex life with my DD. Wouldn't any mother?

Am I being unreasonable to think they are all selfish, selfish aresholes to be doing all this and dragging DD into it when she really has bigger stuff to think about?? It's pointless to tell her not to go to her dads, she spent so long being pushed away from her home with him that any crumbs going around now she laps up (understandably) :-(

This is possible outing, I don't care. They have no shame about it and are all openly flaunting this mess and all I care about is my DD. Now instead of concentrating on GCSE's she is worrying she will never get to see new baby and I think she is right to worry - I don't think her dad cares enough to pursue contact if they split. Her dad pays for private school and I know he will come down hard on her if she fails - without ever wondering if his horrendously distracting behaviour had anything to do with it

Tell him to stop sharing details of his sex life with his daughter, it’s beyond weird. After that, there’s nothing you can do. Your daughter is 15 and old enough to say something herself if it bothers her and she’s old enough to say she doesn’t want to go round or stay there anymore if she doesn’t want to. You are overly invested, just tell your daughter that you’ll support her in any decisions she makes about contact. His relationships are his problem

Thanks for the response but it's kind of missing the point.

She does want to go round there because she's had so little contact with him over the years thanks to being pushed out. She wants to go round there in spite of having this in her face because it's the only way she can see her dad. If she spoke up (and she has), he would simply tell her not to come round.

I have asked him not to involve her and that she instead of revising she is worrying about seeing baby. His response was he 'can't promise anything' because his DP 'has gone nuts again - maybe post natal depression or something'.

So not that he's been having an affair . Tbh I have no sympathy for her she has been absolutely vile to my DD and to me when she couldn't get to DD anymore.

I don't care about his relationships, that's why I left him. I care about her GCSE's. That's the problem. Really I just want people to agree that they are indeed selfish aresholes, all of them. Because I feel like I'm living in some kind of parallel universe where this is ok.

They are busy f*cking away and in the middle is my 15 year old approaching GCSE's and their 6 year old, their 5 year old just diagnosed with ADHD and a two week old baby. Children shouldn't have to deal with this shit

They are beyond awful but your dd's main residence is with you so shouldn't affect her GCSEs.

I wouldn't bother trying to talk to any of the adults involved as they're all selfish idiots whose actions are affecting lots of people. They don't care about the damage to their own kids so won't care about your dd.

Just keep being a stable base for your daughter and explain regularly that she shouldn't have to get involved in their drama and that when her dad starts oversharing that she should tell him that she feels uncomfortable about it.

Have you considered counselling for your DD? From what you are saying it seems she has understandable self-esteem issues stemming from your XH being a fuckwit. You cannot necessarily help her unpick these as you’re an interested party and biased yourself.

Having someone to talk to would really help her to see her father for what he is and come to terms with it, without it affecting her self esteem. Then she can make an informed choice about future contact.

All the best, this sounds awful.

I think all you can do is support her through listening and counselling.

Do the school know? Also ensure she is eating well and her sleeping in a good routine.Does she have hobbies? Maybe yoga?
I bet there is an element of her taking responsibility as the older sister.As she gets older time will help as she well learn that she is not responsible for her dad.
Poor children.

She can do well with one parent being the stable influence and she is more fortunate than her half siblings.
Perhaps also look at state 6th form options, if he decides to punish her, by stopping private school fees, then there is back up.