Did i do the right thing?

[Mindhunter]

I know this is going to sound ridiculous but I keep feeling like I made a mistake leaving my ex. I'm a single mum of 3 have no money even though I work. I'm exhausted and just sometimes feel like why did I do it.

The reasons I did are because he was lazy, jealous of his kids, made me do everything, expected sex on tap, made me feel like a shell of a person for 10years.

All of that I know is the reason I left and a good reason but sometimes I just feel like may be things wernt so bad (they were) but we could go out and do things. Now I just work all week and seem to be constantly telling the children I can't afford things. My wages go on rent and we live off the £100 a week tax credits which doesn't go far when it comes to food ect.

I've been told I seem more happy and present these days and more like the me they remember from years ago so why do i feel like I did the wrong thing?

My ex would come back in a heartbeat but I don't really want that and it would mean losing who I am plus living as a sex toy for someone I barely like but at least the kids will be happy and not wanting angry at me for making dad go away.

It's been 9 months since we split. So maybe the mundane is just kicking in. He's also messing around his visitations so being tired and dealing with upset children probably isn't helping. I'm just scared I'm going to snap and give in to letting him come back I suppose.

In the long term (over 5 yrs or so)could you make a plan that would improve your financial situation. In the short term look at more cost effective option that allow you to go out and have fun.
With that plan in sight what value then would your ex bring to your life?

If he was resentfull of kids when you lived together and is messing up visitation and upsetting them now, what makes you think he will be a good dad if he comes back?

If he doesnt show up, get him to explain himself to his children, dont act as the middleman and absorb blame from both sides.

Imagine how you're feeling now with an added lazy man child, the feelings of resentment from the that, the jealousy of your children and pressured for sex. Financially it might be hard and emotionally at times it might feel like a battle but remember it could be far worse.

Your ex’s behaviour would probably be even worse if you took him back as he’ll think you can’t cope without him so he can do whatever he likes. You did the right thing by leaving, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Is he paying you maintenance and are you claiming everything you’re entitled to? You mention working tax credit but child tax credit and child benefit? I’m sorry things are so tough at the moment.

No help but I feel the same. 4 kids and even though ex was useless I regret us breaking up as it's so much harder without him. Does your ex pay maintenance?

Hi sorry for the delay in replying I was having a really bad day when I wrote this. I'm going to try and look at the positives the children are doing so much better at school and seem more confident and happy. I no longer dread waking up in the morning. Our food bill has halved. Some things are really crap but on the whole things are much much better.

Jealous of his kids - that's enough reason to never ever take him back, that's awful.

Yeah he used to do everything to keep me away from them. Sending them to his mum's all the time and talking over them when they spoke to me. He hated me spending any time with them at all.

Oh op. He sounds monstrous. Poor you and your poor children.

I know it's hard right now but you did the right thing.

He is it's amazing the stupid stuff you can think when having a bad day. It's not going to be like this forever my youngest is 7 so in a few years he will be at secondary school and I can get a job with more prospects and better pay.