I am a regular but wanted to name change for this only to discover I didn't know my password so have had to register again. Gah.
I was with exdp for 2.5 years.
I wasnt happy and asked for a break, exDP didn't really get it and all though our physical relationship faded we were still seeing each other as friends a couple of times a week - in large part due to existing commitments and a course for a shared hobby.
I kept asking for space, ExDP did not want to end the relationship and has done a lot of emotional guilt stuff to try and get me to stay in the relationship.
During the last 2.5 yrs we regularly met up wth a small crowd of people (one of whom is a family member of mine) , my friends who I used to meet almost weekly for a drink. These were the people DP suggested I speak to when I was having issues with our relationship.
Friends had no problem with ex DP joining us sometimes and liked ex DP and on one occasion when I was away ex DP went to the cinema with them.ex DP has a very very small no. Of friends. Altho on a couple of occasions ExDP got so drunk and ranty the others left the pub early and swerved my Nye party as they envisaged ExDP drinking heavily (Ex DP is unaware of these incidents).
DP and one person (A) from the group exchanged no's and met up as they have have young adult children with similar interests. Not a problem.
It transpired last week that DP has now been asking A for advice about our relationship, prying to ask what if anything is said by me about things when ex DP not there (nothing that I've not said to ex DP) and went out wth A and one other member of the group on Friday for a drink. Fine but DP then started texting me asking what I'd said to them about our relationship - nothing of any import actually.
Anyway we finally formally ended the relationship on Saturday. I want to be no more than friends. I would like to go back to my weekly drinks with the group of friends (in part to fill the gap of not having a partner).... ExDP is adamant that since we were all friends then ExDP should not be "thrown out" of the social circle and that there's no problem for us both to go along every week to the gathering of this group as we are now just all friends. Apparently A has said there is no problem with this
I feel like exDP has invaded my social circle and don't want exDP there. Its, the only chance I have to get out some weeks (when my kids are wth their dad) and they are my old friends and family. ExDP says I am being awkward and difficult and cutting them off from their friends. I have said to exDP that it's not up to me who they see and not for to me to play the role of exDP's social secretary either. ExDP is plying on guilt about these being the only friends they can see locally and regularly so it's unreasonable and unfair of me to say ExDP is not welcome at the regular gatherings.
Am I being unreasonable /too touchy? When I divorced I accepted that I may lose touch with Exh's friends even though I was close to some, they were his friends first and foremost. 7 years down the line we ate amicable and I occasionally see some of those friends but still regards them as 'his' friends.