When your family just keeps hurting you

[lolaflores]

There has been years of shite. Subtle exclusion from lots of events. Constant criticism. I never feel really confortable around my sisters. My brother is basically someone we met once for all the contact we have with him.
My mother....well, how much time do ou have.
But through it all, I feel like I am the bad one. That I must have done something wrong but I can't work out what it is.
Today was the limit. They rarely if ever invite my DD2 anywhere but there are loads of days out for them with my Ds two boys. My Sister had a birthday part a few weeks ago to which I wasn't invited but heard from loads of people that they went.
wasn't invited to Mothers day
No effort to take my DD2 out though sisters boys go sleding, shopping, cinema etc.
And that is just the stuff I hear about.
It hurts. I don't feel able to ask why they can't include me or don't want to because parts of me does't want to hear the answer.
We don't live very far away from each other. A simple phone call and we could be there in a hot second. I always include them in any events but there just doesn't seem to be any balance.
I know everyone will say NC but its not leaving a partner. Do I have any choice though

I am NC with my family.
You either

A) put up and shut up and have therapy

B) Come to terms with the FACTS.. your family do not like or love you enough and go NC and have therapy.

You're not alone. You can find online support here.

I really know what you have been through. It is eroding your self worth. How spiteful they are.

The longer you stay in contact the more the situation will just chip away at your self confidence and sense of worth. And even if you could ask why they behave the way they do, there probably isn't an answer - at some point in the past it just became a habit. I doubt there is a reason they can remember. But if you keep on seeing them and trying to build a relationship it'll just be like picking a scab - it won't get better. But it's going to be bloody hard for you - I do think some therapy would be useful.

Solebizz i have had therapy. I am bi polar, manic depression, suicide attempts, psych admissions....not entirely a shock I suppose. I am having treatment at the moment.
It makes it easy for them to point me out as the mad one I suppose.

It is hard admitting to oneself that it is shit and this is your family and they have basically thrown me out. Ran me off. So I have no choice but to go now.

Ahh so you already know why they are excluding you. You just leep on accept8ng their behaviour whilst hiding your feelings even though it hurts like hell.

How often do you hear from them?
Is there a Birthday coming up etc where they might contact You?

I too have had a family which excluded me and my children in various ways, many times and have been set up as the family black sheep, the one who is different.

Too right I am different. I don't operate like a bully with a group of sycophants behind me. I would not be so cruel and hurtful or leave family members out. It hurt - a lot, as did the snipes, teasing and lack of understanding.

I say this in the past tense as I do not see the ones who have been so hurtful, caused me so much pain. I had to leave them to it for my mental health and self esteem. I love them, I miss them, but know if we were in contact it would all start again.

We exchange birthday and Christmas cards, that's it. My half brother doesn't bother but we were never that close.

I have enough of a life away from them all and live a few miles away so that it is bearable and I am ok. I know I feel self respect and not constantly got at and I leave the others to stew in their own juices as they can't now reach me and leave me with sleepless nights and worry any more.

I agree OP, certain people leave you with no choice, they make the decision for you. You will go when you feel it's the right time, when you reach your absolute limit. And then you will be free. Free of it all, free to live your life how you want, free from the pain of it all and you know that they are the problem, let them deal with their spite and pick on someone else.

My nephews birthday is soon and my daughter's in April and eldest un June. All potential landmines and explosives. I think o will have excuses ir alibi to sail past I voted etc if they contact.
My biggest fear all my life is abandonment.
My dad died when I was 9. Our family was set adrift by it and now I am totally lost. But I have to save myself now or quite frankly die from all of it. It feels like it is killing me. My kids need me more though

Beachcomber. Your situation sounds so familiar and painful and I can't tell you how much I admire your resillience and courage. I am at the tipping point. The limit of what I can or am able to deal with.
I am sure as he'll certain none of them are losing sleep or crying about what i feel so why waste my time?
It's a long road though