Too hard to start again after divorce?

[Natalies85]

My husband left me just after Christmas and we are currently divorcing. It’s as amicable as can we expected, we are splitting custody of my little girl and I have bought him out of our house as a financial settlement. I do not love him anymore and don’t want to get back together. But I feel devastated about the family being broken up and can’t imagine dating and being with anybody else. I’m in my early 30s and genuinely feel that I’ll be alone forever - my husband knew me better than anyone and in the end couldn’t bear to live with me despite the fact I carried his child and financially supported him. So what’s the likelihood of meeting someone else who’ll want me? My friends and family have been surprised by how strong I’ve been but behind closed doors I feel alone and unloveable. Does anyone else feel like this?

I divorced a few years ago and felt like this , at mid 30s I've met a man that I went to school with, I really like him, he really likes me and I'm looking forward to what may come. Just be nice to yourself except being single and enjoy your own company. Figure out what you want and you will meet somebody else one day if you want that

It’s too early to think about being in a relationship yet. Just focus on enjoying your own company and the advantages of being alone, as opposed to the disadvantages - total control of the TV remote, no arguments, doing what you want when you want, nights and days snuggled up with your dd watching a movie, meeting friends for an evening out when dd is with stbexh. You don’t need a man to define you. In the death throes of a marriage, life is stressful and draining, so just enjoy de-stressing.

It’s still really early days for you, so don’t worry that you can’t imagine moving on yet. I divorced XH 6 years ago and met someone new within 6 months, who I was with for 5 years. I realise now that I wasn’t in the best frame of mind for dating then. I was still bruised from my marriage breakdown and really should have taken time to get to know myself better, build myself up and to be happy on my own.

The end result was settling for someone who wasn’t right for me, being clingy and needy because I’d been starved of affection in my marriage and basically fucking up my heart all over again!

Please take time, be gentle with yourself, do things you love with people who make you happy and learn to love yourself with the fierceness you would like from a partner one day.

Then you’ll be ready if you meet someone further down the line to have a fulfilling relationship.

It’s tempting to jump straight into dating to try and build your confidence and convince yourself that your life isn’t over. However, it’s just a distraction. You need time to grieve for your marriage first.