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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please help me to stop thinking about an old ex!

3 replies

TangerineSmangerine · 25/03/2018 12:59

Apologies in advance for the length of my post.

I met my 'first love' (S) nearly 15 years ago, while at uni. Our relationship was brief, but he made a huge impression on me and after our (messy) break-up it took me months and months to get over him. I eventually did though, and with the benefit of hindsight, life experience and (a degree of) maturity, came to realise that we were very different people and would never have lasted the distance.

Now, many years and a few exes later, I am happily settled in a long-term relationship with a lovely dp who is father to my adorable 2 year old. I hadn't thought of S for a very long time, until he randomly popped up in a dream a couple of weeks ago. The dream didn't stir up any romantic feelings for him, but left me feeling a bit weird and wondering what had happened to him/what his life is like now etc. Cue, looking him up on Facebook (I know, I know). The first thing I noticed was that he is now married with a young baby. Rather than any feelings of jealousy, as I think I might have expected to feel, I just felt genuinely glad that he seems happy and has a nice life. Then I noticed that, bizarrely, he is living in the same quite small town as me, over 300 miles away from where we met at uni! That detail has left me feeling quite shaken and now I can't stop thinking about the prospect of bumping into him.

I don't want particularly want to meet him again, I suppose partly because I'm terrified of the feelings it my stir up, but I wouldn't mind having the opportunity to tell him that I'm happy he's happy, and apologise for my part in the way things ended between us. I just wish I could put him out of my mind!

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 25/03/2018 13:08

The only way to put someone out of your mind is to stop yourself thinking about them - so every time you catch yourself imagining the conversation if you met, think of something else.

It does sound as though your dream has stirred feelings, even though you say they're not romantic, and this could be the start of a dangerous path.

You imply that you feel the need to apologise for the way things ended, but you had (until now) drawn a line under it and settled in a happy relationship. It sounds as though he has done the same. There's nothing to be gained by raking up past heartache.

If you bump into him by accident, that can't be avoided but unless he instigates a conversation, I would keep any interaction very brief and casual.

RhubarbTea · 25/03/2018 18:56

Did you post about the same chap/situation recently?

TangerineSmangerine · 25/03/2018 19:39

Thanks Screaming, that's sage advice.

Rhubarb, no this is the first time I've posted. Has there been a similar thread recently?

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