I have done somthing really bad!

[musnetsnippers]

Well I have been in a relationship for a long time and made to feel like crap to be honest (do not like using that word) but that is what I am left to think about. The man in question has no respect at all for me and shouts and swears and me and the kids. On the other hand when n ot tired can be lovely and when it is just the two of we get on very well indeed. I have put a lot of weight on and he keeps saying I must loose it etc and makes me feel so bad.... the question is why do I told on to him.. the reason is I do love him but unsure how.

Anyway last night I slept with single man that I have been seeing for ages.. when i say seeing I mean seeing as a friend. I had wine to drink and to be honest got carried away. I have feeling for this man I know but feel so guilty this morning. This man sent me alovely email saying how he does not regret it etc... it was really sweet what he put. Oh my god what am I doing.

Th man I have been seeing for many years does not live with me but the father of my son who is 8. I do not want any of the children involved and this man told me last night he wants more than a bit of fun... funs is somthing I have done before but unsure what to do or where to turn..

advice please

So you are not married to your partner and do not live with him ? He treats you badly ?

why don't you live with your partner is he married?

break it with both perhaps?
easier said than done..

I do not live with my partner as he has his own house and when he shouts can just take off. My house is also not big enough at the momnet.

He likes his own time also and goes home at 6 every evening.

thanks

no not maried at all and es verbally abuses me but then can be lovely. He has all respect for me.

I think I love him but like a family member if you know what I mean.
The other man is so nice but so different to me.

Are you sure that your partner doesn't have another family?

I guess you need to decide whether you want to work it out with your partner - or do you want to gamble it and go for a relationship with the new man ?

Difficult to advise you with so few facts really - but your partner sounds like he is mean to you and has his cake and eats it too !

Do you feel it is time to move on ?

Hi will fill you in a little more. I have been with my partner for 10 yeras, he is caring kind and considerte sometimes but he is very abusive and my eldest child hates the way he puts me down and speaks to me.
The spark has left the eraltionship and we hardly ever sleep together and I see it as cahore if you know what I mean rather than wanting to and to enjoy..

I have bought my own home, own car etc and have the mortgage in my name as was never 100% sure was I doing the corect thing.

The othe rman (the one I slept with last night is so very different to me but he cares about me and is nice to be around. I do have feelings for him as well but realise I have done somthing very stupid as both emotionally involved now or do men see sex not like that?

i think neither...

You need to decide what to do

Sounds like having two on the go will risk your safety

Put everything on hold and decide how you want to move forwards

Easier said than done, but seem to me that you need to dump your abusive partner that you can't live with and have some fun with the nice new man

So you don't live together because you are not sure of him ? Yet you see him every day ?

Sounds an unusual set up - but easier to extricate yourself !

What's your gut feeling ?

I would decide hich one makes me feel the happiest and most secure and go with that.
but I would end one relatonship before starting another having 2 men ould be very hard work

p.s I know I am going to be shouted at for this but these things happen I wouldnt feel to bad I would just realise I wasnt happy presently and move on

best of luck

(so your partner is the father of your 8 year old and you also have an older child? Am confused, sorry)

well you partner sounds an arse tbh - puts you down, goes on about your weight, shouts, upsets the children

I would get rid of him (if he is the father of child then obv you will still have to see him, but not as a partner iyswim)

Then have some space on your own and see what to do about the other man

You are self sufficient, so do not need either of them as I see it at the moment

Don't put up with anyone that makes you or your children feel like crap!

Yes my other child is 16 and ses the man my partner for what he is really. If my mother comes down he will talk behind my back to her. he would give me his last penny though and like i have said earlier do care and do love him but the sort of love like a brother or sister.
I will miss him but the abuse although not has been too bad is awful. It is horrible for my children to see as well which is not good.

We do have strange relationship but to be honest we have been living togethe as see him every day, he picks the kids up etc.. so does have his good points.
My gut feling is i have to make the break from him although it will be very hard if do not.
The other man is a complete opposite to me. He has different way of life to what I have but I looked at him last night an dthought how nice he was, he treats me like a lady and we talk, somthing I have nver been able to do with my partner. He takes me for what I am and respects me. I have been helping him out finacially as he does not do forms or very literate at all. (I have not given him money) We have chatted for about 8 weeks now and I go down there once my little man is in bed asleep. I do not stay long and do not go very night as fully realise I have a 16 year old daughter as well.

Hmmmm - sounds like frying pans to unknown fires to me !

Perhaps you should end your relationship with your partner - not mentioning the new man. then take is easy with new man - nothing too serious etc - as it does sound as though you like him because he is kind to you, and we all like a bit of attention.

As others have said - you might need to be single for a bit, but carry on your friendship with the new man and see where it goes !