Fed up!

[SixThirty30]

I have had to name change for this one...

I don’t even know where to start

We’ve got a holiday booked for next week and DP has now said that he won’t be coming with us, I don’t believe he had any intensions to come with us in the first place! I don’t trust him, he is very sneaky and he has cheated in the past I feel as if he wants to stay behind so he can get up to no good.

I’m in a situation where I can’t tell him to leave because the house in jointly owned, I am always telling him that I want him to go but his reponse is always the same “no you go”

And a few weeks ago, he left our 10 year old son in a cab station for over an hour whilst he went into the betting shop.

Sounds like a big conversation is needed. Leaving 10 year old in that situation is unacceptable. What reason has he given for ducking out of the holiday?

I’ve tried to speak to him time and time again but he doesn’t listen, he hasn’t given a reason why he isn’t coming and probably won’t!

I’m so fucking tired of him (sorry for swearing) I am just so annoyed!!

What a very miserable way to live!

Are you just wanting to vent, or do you want thoughts on how not to live like this any more?

First thing - him becoming a nice, loving partner is not among the available options.

I presume you're not married (DP rather than DH) but you co-own a house, you don't want to share a house with him any more but he won't leave - so it sounds like your only way forward is to look at all the options for splitting up.

Eg He buys you out of your share; or he agrees to sell and split the proceeds and you both get your own place.

All of which will take a while, so in the meantime you live separate lives under the same roof - separate bedrooms, you don't do domestic stuff for each other, etc.

How does that sound?

Not surprised you are tired of him. Perhaps a visit to a solicitor is in order. If he is unwilling to talk then a future for the relationship seems unlikely. Don't waste years being unhappy

He would never agree to be buying him out or him buying my share, I guess I am just here to vent but I don’t want to live like this anymore, he is just a disgrace!!

Out our our op.
He's controlling and manipulating by the sounds of it.
He has no choice but to agree to either of you buying the other out once you go to a solicitor and start the ball rolling.
Your being kept there not out of choice and everyone has a choice.
Get some advice and use the holiday to do some real thinking and planning.

He doesn't have any choice about the house, as far as I understand it. It's your property as much as his and you can decide to sell it. I think you should.

A solicitor may be able to help you to force a sale of thr house if he won't agree. Have you asked him what he wants from life and how he sees his future?

Have you tried relate? Something needs to change

If there's some kind of power ish struggle over who leaves then currently he'll be thinking he's got you over a barrel.

Call his bluff. Relinquish the "power", move out, force sale, sell house and begin living a twat free life because THAT'S where the real power lies.

you can take legal action to force the sale of the house. when he realises you are serious he may or may not come to his senses. how serious is the gambling?

StopPop is spot on

I will be going to see a solicitor soon, enough is enough we haven’t been on good terms for nearly 4 years now, he knows I am unhappy but he doesn’t care. I suffer from bad anxiety and he knows this and he has never supported me it feels as if he is continuously mocking me, he knows that I find a lot of things hard because my condition. There’s days when I don’t feel stable enough to go out by myself and not once has he offered to come with me. He just says “You’re 30 you need to snap out of this nonsense”

AJPTaylor - To he honest I don’t care about his gambling he can do whatever he wants to do with his money, he recently won £87k but don’t leave our son unattended whilst you go into the betting shop.

Sorry, I am back again.. what exactly do I say to the solicitor?

B

So he's not going on the holiday? Good. You will have some time and space without him dragging you down. Time to work out what you want and plan.

I bet he's loving that you are pissed off that he's not coming. Why not get one of the suitcases and start packing. Whilst humming a cheerful tune.

Tell your solicitor everything you're telling us.

Enjoy your holiday without him. Sounds like it would be worse with him there!

Good luck with the solicitor- look forward to your new prick free life. Its a hassle (the legal stuff, etc), but itll be worth it. What sort of person leaves their 10 year old outside a betting shop for an hour?! 😠

I didn’t want him coming with us because I can’t stand him, but the boys were really looking forward to us all going as a family, yes exactly which man leaves his son unattended for over an hour, he is just a scamming little crook!

I just didn’t and don’t have the courage to go and see a solicitor.