Relationship advice please. 38 weeks pregnant.

[Aaliyahali]

So I told my partner last night that i went to have lunch with my mum earlier at the gym as she just finished a gym session. My mum was telling me there's a baby creche at david lloyds so i can go gym and put baby there From 3 months plus while I'm doing a gym session when i need too.

I thought my partner was going to say oh that's cool but instead he went mad and said what kind of mum are you! Your going to leave yoir baby in an unknown place to satisfy your own pleasures. Your selfish like yoir mum and need to stay home with the baby and not let her out your sight. (Yet my partner doesn't supprt me in anyway and expects me to work for him doing his admin paperwork from home). When i mentioned the job he said well your working from home. Then he says i can't stand selfish people like you thats why your so sick in the head because yoir mum done that to you and your teenage life ended up all over the place. I bet the McCain family regret putting there pleasures 1st. Your selfish like the rest of them.

He puts me down so much. Considering he has not taken part in any of the pregnancy e.i attending antenatal appointments, helping me financially or emotionally. Calls me fat, bullying me into cleaning because now I'm on maternity leave im lazy n do nothing. Shouting at me telling me im thick and stupid 4 silly reasons like telling him to keep it down. i just feel i want to pack my bags from his house and run a few hundred miles.

Was that creche thing really that bad ? I'm sure ppl do it :/

You know the packing your bags and running thing? You should do that. He's an absolute arsehole. Leave him.

The crèche bit is fine

The rest is REALLY bad, why are you with him?

Have the baby and leave him, sorry

Leave him, he is abusive and it often gets MUCH worse after birth. Leave now and keep both you and your baby safe.

Well you said it yourself, he's a bully.

Hes going to keep on bullying you, and it won't be long before he starts bullying your baby.

Why are you closing this trap around yourself? Do you think your child will be better off living 365 days a year with a bully?

A normal man who was uncomfortable with you using the creche would look after his baby while you had a workout.

He is clearly looking forward to being able to use your baby as a 24/7 gaoler.

Escape while you still can, before the baby is born. It will be much harder after. Don't put him on the birth certificate, it will give you breathing space. Have you family who can take you in?

He’s going to use the baby to control you and stop you going out. You need to leave.

I put our baby in a crèche for a couple of hours when he was 3 months. I was only a phone call and 10 mins away. Crèche has instructions to call me if baby was unsettled or cried. He was fine apparently. So I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it at all.

You’ll need to try and carve out some time for yourself or you’ll go mad.

But this one arguement isn’t just the problem though is it? He sounds mean, verbally abusive and controlling. You need to get out now. You can’t be bringing up a baby / child in this environment, it would be awful for them and awful for you.

Leave.

The biggest problem for both you and your baby is that you're about to start in your lovely new lives together with a bullying, using, lazy deadweight like this spoiling everything.

Leave now- so much nicer than leaving in ten months after you've allowed him to spoil your first months with your newborn, which is what will happen otherwise.

You need to leave you really do. He's going to control you more and more and keep you tied to the house, working, cooking and cleaning for him because that will.be your job. He's already calling you lazy whilst on.maternity leave.

There is no fixing this.

He sounds emotionally abusive and controlling. I agree with previous posters. why would you stay with someone who doesn't seem to like you? Please find the strength to leave him.

It's "his house" is it? He owns It?

Why is that?

Yes I moved into his house when i got pregnant last year. We haven't been together long before I got pregnant, only 4 months so as you prob realised it was an unplanned pregnancy and so i moved in as we felt it was best at the time. Don't get me wrong he was happy about the pregnancy and we were happily seeing eachother. But yeah he owns his house and i don't own anything so abit of a dilemma really. He doesn't allow me much of a say as its his house. I could go back home to my mums but he makes me feel like thats impossible now due to his verbal abuse. I feel that He feels he has power over me becsuse he earns well and i had a few vulnerable relationships in the past. He uses it against me alot. Wish i didnt rush into things but there we go it happened and I'm already attached to my unborn baby now. I don't feel a father shouldn't be on a birth cert because of a relationship break down because I feel it's unfair on the child but I def aint happy here and want to go. He also gave me hsv2, an sti, mid into our relationship which he denys and its just come back now at 38 weeks preg :( so chances of a nornal vaginal birth are not 100 percent on the cards now :( so i told my mum not to be there during labour as I don't want her knowing. I need to do my best to lower my stress levels so things can get better.

You need to be honest with your mum. She will support you. I have 4 kids and I would want to know and help and protect any of my children when they were struggling and especially if they were with an abusive man.

Go now. Dont hesitate, pack and leave.

Poor you. If you can, leave him before birth. I would also talk to a GP about the abuse as it will help you later on. He will try to make you look inadequate and incapable of looking after the baby.

Another one to say leave now. Do you have a good relationship with your mum? Will she support you? If so, go to her. Please don't leave yourself at the mercy of this man. Having a baby is an incredibly vulnerable time. Find yourself a safe space elsewhere.

You've got to stop hiding what's going on. He's abusive and a cheat who has put you and your baby's health at risk.

Go home to mum.

Leave now OP.

I know it seems impossible but it will be easier to do it now than after your baby is born, I promise you.

I was in a similar position, unplanned pregnancy early in our relationship, moved in with him, then at about 6 months pg he showed me who he really is - with hindsight I can pinpoint the moment I should have left but I was scared and didn’t know where to turn, so I stayed.

It’s taken me 19 years to get away and, although there have been good times, I spent pretty much all of that time afraid of him and trying to appease him.

Don’t be me, my biggest regret is not leaving sooner for the sake of my DD and myself.

Please speak to your mum, you have done nothing to be ashamed of, this is all on him. You may find that she already knows ‘something’ isn’t right but doesn’t want to interfere and risk pushing you away.