Both my boyfriend and I are 24-years-old, and I am currently 31 weeks pregnant with his baby. We haven't been together long - only a year and 4 months - but we've had a close and unique relationship for years. When we first got together, he was really sexually excited by me - initiating sex often and showing ample attraction to my body. I felt desirable, sexually valued and confident in my body (for the most part). I understand that with familiarity comes a general decline in sexual excitement in your partner, and that it's the job of the couple to actively find ways to maintain excitement and "spark". However, ever since I've been pregnant I've sensed a sudden decline in his level of attraction to, and sexual interest in, me. He almost never initiates sex or any kind of sexual gesture that extends beyond 'Aw, this part of your body is fun/cute to squeeze [playfully]', rather than "Damn, nice ass" and then proceeds to initiate some kind of sexual encounter. On top of this, and/or perhaps a result of it, I've been experiencing a real lack of body confidence. Despite my growing belly (although, I'm carrying quite small so it's not the average pregnant belly), I actually feel really skinny and unshapely. I was much more shapely a few years ago, but all of a sudden I began to lose weight (I put this down to stress and anxiety) and haven't gained it back since. The only remaining 'curve' that I felt I had came from my small waist, but my growing belly has meant that my waist has widened, and suddenly I feel really straight-figured and boxy. Add this to the fact that I'm in my early twenties, and a lot of young men these days are attracted to fullness, "thick"ness and extreme curvature in a woman's body (small waist, big bum, wide hips, "thick" thighs) etc. This is prominent amongst young black men, and my boyfriend is black (I'm black, too - perhaps worth mentioning). I don't doubt that he finds me beautiful, but I do wonder if I still have 'sex appeal', in his eyes. The only time his sexual interest in me seems to peak is when I've dressed up a little because we've gone out somewhere (in which case, when we get home, he's very touchy-feely with me and I suddenly feel sexy again). Also, it seems that his disinterest is specifically in penetration, as every so often he'll want to engage in a particular kink of his involving giving me a 'rim job' whilst he masturbates until he climaxes. However, even in this act, I feel that his attraction is to the kink rather than to me/my body. Rarely would it seem as though it was me who had turned him on, rather than his own thoughts/fantasies. I know he engages in regular porn/masturbation, and whilst it doesn't bother me that he does, I do wonder whether this is causing his sexual needs to be fulfilled elsewhere, decreasing his need to have sex with me. I also worry that perhaps he's grown accustomed to the sensation of his hand over the sensation of my vagina.
There are certain factors that made intimacy difficult at various points in the pregnancy (nausea during the first trimester, and a recent prolonged bout of thrush), but outside of these occasions, disinterest has been maintained. I've tried to discuss this with him but he doesn't provide me with much of an explanation beyond "It's because you're pregnant", and by this he means that he feels he can't "go all out" in case he hurts me or the baby. I sometimes worry that he's developed some kind of 'Madonna-Whore complex' whereby, because I'm carrying his baby, he sees me as maternal and no longer sees me as sexually desirable. If that's the case, I'd imagine it'd only get worse once I give birth. He seems to be content with our now sexless relationship, and that worries me. As he doesn't acknowledge it as a problem, he's not much interested in finding a solution. I really do love him and want this relationship to work, so I find myself being quite introspective in and reflective about the relationship, desperate to seek solutions to problems before they escalate.
He's a lovely and amazing man, and in many ways I can appreciate that our relationship may have just progressed into a more loving, meaningful kind of relationship that isn't based so much on sex and/or physical attractiveness, but I'm someone who enjoys sex and likes to feel sexually valued and desired by my partner. I also have a history of bad relationships, so I'm prone to insecurity and low self-esteem in relationships - this situation is definitely resulting in those things.
I'd appreciate your thoughts as to what may be going on with him, and suggestions as to what I could do.
Thank you!