Infatuation / Obsession with Lover

[LDChoccy79]

Exactly what the title says. I've become infatuated with my lover I've been seeing for 13 months. My work is suffering as I spend all my time thinking about him. I'm constantly checking his Twitter and on Whattsap waiting for him to contact me or seeing where he is. I got jealous cause he's just started following a woman on Twitter who follows him back, ridiculous! We only see each other every 2/3 months as live 400m apart. We meet up just for sex and our whatssap is all sexting. I've fallen for him and this isn't how it was meant to happen. Meant to be just a bit of fun, now I can't think of anything else and feel such a rush when he gets in touch. Help, how do I stop him consuming my every second?

I agree with the others it sounds very unhealthy. The NC thread on here is great for support when you are cutting contact

I feel this way about a man I've been seeing for over two years, I've never felt like this about anyone before and it's probably the most amazing feeling I've ever had and the happiest a man's made me feel. And I'm 39, and other people my age are in boring marriages and becoming middle aged and this man makes me feel like a teenager again.
I would see how it goes with him, my relationship with him was just casual at first but it has got a lot stronger and we know we have a strong connection and can't keep away from each other. At least if it does end you will have something to look back on and know you felt so strongly for someone.

I felt this way. My life literally fell apart when he chose to end it at go NC. Don't do it to yourself. Take control now

You've built up a picture in your head that's not real. Texting/sexting every day isn't a real relationship. Meeting just 4 times a year? You need to let it go. For your own sanity. Change your way of thinking. He's home with his wife. Your his escape and that's all you are. It's lust not love. Love is when you literally can't be without each other. And that clearly isn't that case here. It's a comfortable convenience. If you feel he would run if you knew you were infatuated there's your answer and why you are here. He doesn't do the same x

Ugh what an all round grubby situation.

Not FWB as such. Just meet for sex since last year but live far apart

Totally FWB. I bet he doesn't spend all day thinking about you. Your husband might be ok with the situation but I wonder if his wife knows she's in an open relationship.

this sounds all very.... cheap.. sorry OP

Yes his wife knows she's in an open relationship. We've spoken briefly this morning and are meeting up midway in the Easter holidays. I'll tell him then.

you know you deserve better

You know he's probably shagging the other girl he's following too right? I hope you're being safe.

Telling him later is kicking it down the road.
I get the feeling you would get more out of a loving and reciprocal relationship but if sex on a shoestring is all that is avaialbe then you are going to have to fill in the gaps with your imagination.
Hope you are using protection as Open Relationships are a license to shag about

By which I mean, not onlya re you sleeping with his known or unknown partners, you are also getting extras from his wife's known and unknown partners.
Does your husband know about the arrangements and that he is also knowningly or unknowingly getting exposure to other peoples sexual encounters.

The arrangements of the open relationship are known by everyone yes. That is not the issue here, but thanks for advice saying I'm grubby and cheap. Yes my husband knows about my man/men but no he isn't being exposed to anything as we don't have sex. Also my partners and I are regularly tested for any STI's and don't take risks so all safe.

LD You are being sold short with a cheap relationship that you are trying to will into something it isn't.
You clearly want something that is perhaps more satisfying than your ma;rriage but I actually think you are quite vulnerable. I don't want to throw insults but does this relationship add up to what you are dreaming it to be?
Is that a fair question

Lola, do you mean the relationship with my husband or my lover?

With my lover, it's exactly as it's meant to be apart from me daydreaming constantly about him. We both are happy with our partners and don't want to be together. I'm not dreaming about the actual relationship being more, just dreaming about him iykwim.

I was in the same situation as you last year. It almost destroyed me. The only thing that saved what was left if my sanity was going totally no contact. He lives very near to me so it was hard as I still saw him practically every day but I couldn’t let this persistant stream of thoughts take up any more of my precious time. My whole life was being affected it was shit I even dreamt about him every night. Go NC. There’s a lovely thread on here full of super supportive women.

But you're talking about being jealous of him following other women on social media and constantly checking messages etc. Whether you want to admit it or not, you clearly want more from him otherwise jealousy wouldn't even come into the equation.

I don't think you're grubby or cheap, I have a FWB myself but he doesn't consume my thoughts, I don't get jealous of him following other women or anything of that nature. If you want to have arrangements of this kind you really need to be able to shut off your emotions and with this particular man you obviously can't.

thanks all. Maybellissimo, what is NC?

no contact