Troubled sister

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I have one sister. She doesn't live at home. She moved out about three years ago. She's very troubled to say the least. She fell out with one brother a few years ago and went on to snub our niece when she was born. Our niece was a few months old and I have out to her one evening after work. I tried to make amends after that but she didn't want to know. She stuck her nose up in air to me and ignored me. I felt intimated around the home from her before she moved out. Anyways, she moved out and then she began to send me abusive messages that went on and off for months before I changed my number. There were fake Facebook profiles set up and an ad on a selling site with my details and number before I changed it. Just pure poison from her. I saw with the messages she was sending that there was a lot of anger and blame and so much things and rows from the past just twisted around. I decided, there was no point in replying back to anything. I wasn't going to feed into all that anger. I wasn't going to fuel her.

She came home for a visit at one stage and in our mother's kitchen, our mother had photos of her grabdchild/our niece and whoever may have been holding the baby. My sister stood in the kitchen and took an issue with our mother's photographs but in my sisters words 'there is no picture of me' and 'her feelings were hurt because she was excluded'.

To be quite honest, whatever her issue was, was rubbish. The focus of the photos were of our mother's grandchild located all the way across the world. My sister then cut contact.

Another brother stopped talking to her because he can't understand her snubbing her niece and all the drama that comes with my sister.

My sister hardly ever comes home which is good with us. Our grandmother from or fathers side died in 2016 and she came home for the funeral and she obtained my new number. Within a matter of weeks, she started texted me abuse again. Pure god damn nonsense. So much anger and poison in them messages. A lot of the messages referred to old rows that should have been over and done with and completely forgetting about her own part of all them rows. A lot of messages were like - you did this and you did that and you, you, you, YOU.

In time she got worse in her messages and filth. She also started texting our mother filth saying things like 'you have a love affair with your sons and their cocks' and other rubbish like that and referring a lot to her pictures excluding her and demanding for apologies.

In time she tracked down my boyfriend on Facebook, followed by my employer and sent them messages too. Warning them about how nasty of a person I am. (from a family row). It just trying to sabotage things for me.

I changed my number again. I went to the police but they were useless and no help whatsoever. They said its a civil matter. Without threats of violence, they can't arrest her.

This week gone, my sister rang our mother and she was furious on the phone and referring to my mother's pictures.

My sister isn't in the right frame of mind at all. To carry so much around with her and consume her and blacken her soul.

My sister texted saying - she will be home in Saturday. She was told not to come home. That Saturday does not suit. She texted saying she will be home on Saturday.

There's so much anger with her. Naturally we will have the doors locked on Saturday. I feel if she does come home, it won't be enough and she will start smashing windows (it wouldn't be the first time she smashed in windows).

What are we supposed to do. She's not welcome home especially considering how she is so angry.

I've considered phoning her and telling her to stay away. I have so much in my old mobile phones to hang her. She sent me pictures of her boobs saying I've always been jealous of them.

She has the whole entire family tormented. She takes offence so easily and cuts us off so easily. She has notified us so many times to say she wants nothing more to do with us but she will not move on.

For me, I hate the way things have gone between us but she has displayed an incredible amount of poison to me and there is no room in my life for such drama.

For mam, she says my sister is not welcome back home when she's filled so with so much hatred and hostility.

When I first spoke up about the abusive messages I was getting from my sister and the other abuses of fake profiles and other rubbish from her both my mother and brother were annoyed and asked what am I doing to her to anger her so much. She told me she wanted nothing more to do with me and 2015 for me was epic and I moved on from her. I didn't have time for her drama and there was so much exciting and fulfilling things for me. Eventually they came to realise I was doing nothing on her.

Lately, the types of messages she likes to send not only to our mother but to the whole family (my brothers at home and abroad) - 'tell that cunt yellow to stop prank calling me' or 'tell that bitch yellow to stop calling me in work'.

Last year when all messages started up after getting my new number, I crumbled and I made contact to tell her to stop. I tried phoning but she didn't pick up so I rang her work place to talk to her there over the phone to tell her to stop.

Anyways she hung onto that - 'tell that cunt yellow to stop threatening me in work'.

I rang once and she's hanging onto to that to this day.

She's desperate for attention from the family or she's out from out from the family she has nothing else to lose but to pit us all of each other. I just feel absolutely sick with her harassment.

We've no idea what to do from here. This threat of coming home is still hanging over us for tomorrow.

My mother is sickened with the thought of it. I'm in work and staying the night and working tomorrow too so I won't be at home. I asked my mam to keep the doors locked and don't let her in if she comes knocking. She has no right to be coming home and especially when she is fuelled by anger. My mam is afraid that if my brother is home and if the sister comes home ranting and raving about whatever sort of issues that's on her mind, my brother will hit her. Phoning the cops would be absolutely useless if she is causing trouble. You'd need help straight away and they might come half an hour or an hour later.

This is very serious. Do you think showing her texts to the police would change their minds about helping, or at least give you some advice? She's a very disturbed person. Does she have anyone in her life who could stop her abusing you and your family? As lots of people advise on here, call 101 and see if they can do anything. You can't live with the uncertainty of what her next move will be. She obviously needs help. Why is she like this?

Thanks for the reply.

I went to the police station twice already. I found the officer helpful the first time and he was due to call her and warn her. He was saying that in a lot of cases, it's enough for it to stop. However my sister continued. The second time I called back, he wasn't interested and said it was a civil matter. He didn't want to see my phone the messages she was sending me.

I've been to two solicitors. The first was completely useless and behaved more like a counsellor, the second was due to phone me back but didn't.

I thought about going down the route of getting a mutual contact involved but I dont want to be burdening anyone. The people I have in mind that could be suitable for helping have their own problems.

Why is she like this?

She displayed some bad tendencies in the past, well before any of this but she wasn't this bad.
It's so hard to say why she's being like this. I reckon it's control and a bad personality. My brother thinks there's a mental illness at play but it would be undiagnosed.

Anyways, I'm home from work and my mother filled me into as to what happened.

My mother had the driveway blocked and doors locked. In the afternoon, the sister pulls up in a car and parked outside. Walked up the driveway way with a big 6 foot man accompanying her. Starts knocking at the door. Eventually my mother went out and goes to him - and who are who? She says - this is my boyfriend. They came to take the dog away. She was shouting all hell at the door and My mother ran the two of them off. They weren't even here 5 minutes.

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The cheek of her. First of all, to come when she was told not to and secondly to bring a big man to accompany her, almost as if to intimate my mother.

I don't get it. She got my 'new' number last year, she was completely obsessed with me. Her abusive rubbish including calls, came in about once a month with the phasing of the moon or maybe it was hormonal and then it was so heavy from her. I'm only getting peace now since changing my number within the past few weeks but she has turned to our mother and brother too.

I don't get it. She came with a boyfriend. How is she so obsessed and bitter and hateful towards the family? I mean like, you would think she would focus her energies on something positive as in her boyfriend. Then to show up at the family home, shouting at the front door, in front of him too. Like, has she no shame?

Your poor mother and you for having to endure her abuse. I'm not of much use to you, I'm afraid. Have you considered talking to citizens advice www.citizensadvice.org.uk or victim support www.victimsupport.org.uk/help-and-support/get-help. Did you call 101? I know you've been to the police, but maybe they'll be more receptive on this number www.police.uk/contact/101/

Bringing a man to your mother's door soinds like intimidation to me. Sounds like your sister needs a restraining order against her.

Unfortunately, I'm not in the UK so calling the number 101 wouldn't be very good for me.

We reckon that too, that her intention was to intimate our mother about the man she brought with her. Either that or she was too much of a coward to face the family on her own. Either way, my mother ran the two of them off and while he was running he muttered something sarcastic - 'Well, this is lovely' he said.

I don't get it though. She's been unbelievably focused for the past year if not on me, on my mother or two brothers. She was hopping from one to the next but I got the worst of it. She left a voice message last November on my phone just with the word 'cunt' over and over again. It was the tone she said it in that got me. It was filled with pure hatred and hostility. It's not right to carry such anger around with her. There were times when we woke up to texts from her which says that she's not able to sleep at times.

What I don't get is this boyfriend on the scene. You would think she would have something positive to focus on with him instead of being wrapped up in anger at the family.

I have another brother and he keeps in touch with her out of pity but he knows the drama she brings and he limits contact. From him, we learned she went to America over the Christmas on holidays. She must have been gone for three weeks. A holiday like that would have cost 1000s and some months to save for it.
Me and mam were chatting last night. We reckon he's relatively new on the scene with her. Like, a boyfriend should make her happy and she's far from happy. Not only that dating does cost money from cinema to dinner dates or whatever and does cost money. So we reckon he's only new on the scene. Which is even worse. How well does she know the man? How very dare she bring him about.

I turned on my old phone this evening, just to see if there was anything on my old phone and sims card from her and there was nothing.

I would have expected something into my mother's phone today too after yesterday but there was nothing.

My brother said this evening he got some abusive messages last night and again today.

Honest to god, I feel sick to my stomach. She's like a dirty flea hopping from one to the other.

My mother filled me more today on what happened yesterday and my sister said some quite despicable things at the door yesterday to my mother and also my brother. She only came back just to hurt people.

Something else I don't understand. My sister is angry and hostile person towards the family. I don't understand how she brought her boyfriend about and into such a hostile situation. It wasn't very fair on him.

Your sister has very serios mental health issues but unless she is prepared to get help there is nothing you can do to help her. I think your dm will have to get a barring order forbidding her to come to the house and forbidding her from having any contact with either of ye. Gather all the evidence together. In short clear points. Not going on and on . Hire a sollictor and go to the court.