Could I leave him?

[Rainbowtrain]

Please be kind :-(
I am new.
I don’t know what to do. I have a baby and things have not been great with husband and I don’t know what is normal.
I am unhappy, I get I am not alone in this.
I took maternity leave and now working very little as it is hard with nursery and commute expenses and his job takes a lot of flexibility on my part.
It has been a year and I have been lucky if I got 15 minutes to get ready. He takes 30-40 minutes every morning and I am usually allowed 5-7 minutes if lucky.
I have no access to his money so he puts some money into a joint account so I can buy food and sometimes a treat.
I had to ask him for lunch money for my first week at work and he gave £10 so I thought I would go out witg my son and maybe have a cake like some mums always talk about this Costa places but as I was driving home he texted to ask to buy supplies and only £5 in joint account so I had to split the bill at the till and spent my change from lunch.
So yesterday and today spent at home in PJs as no cash fine, but it is cold and he said I had 20 minutes today to get ready, yay! But I have to wash my hair so I could not do it at all.
I am so sad that another day needs to be spent here.
Son has been poorly so i can’t just leave him to play and run to shower, he wants mum or dad as he is in pain.

Ok so we don’t own a house and our accomodation is linked to his job. I spent most of my saving as I was not earning much on maternity leave and I extended it too.

I want to leave and provide for my son. How? No idea.

Is it normal not to have access to money? When i ask he just puts £200 in join account but with the weekly shopping then that month all the money is gone in that and I get nothing to buy bras or things that I would like. I am by no means a big spender.

I said other mums get to go to the hairdresser and I said oh but I have no money so I guess I would have to do it myself at home and he said I can have some time this eve to cut my own hair.

My mum lives abroad and has a big house. I speak the language there. Should I leave? Move in with mum?

He loves our son and he is a very good and loving dad to him. I would not want to take that away from them.

Please advise please don’t judge me I am sad as I don’t do well with being indoors all the time. And we also don’t have heating as he says to explensive so just a fire in the sitting room.

See a solicitor and find out what he would have to give you if you divorce then speak to the welfare office and cms service to find out how much he'd have to contribute each month and how many benefits you'd be entitled to.

Then look at getting back to work. He'd also have to look after his child and if you're not earning enough you'd get help with childcare costs.

He's controlling and financially abusive. You should both have equal access and equal say of family money.

Don't put up with this op.

If you split and you remained the main carer he will have to pay you CM and it sounds like anything at this point would be better than how he treats you.

WTF about dictating what you do with the "time" he decides to allow you to have?! Is he your owner?

And what's the thing about him deciding how much time you get to get ready? What would happen if you took longer?

And how does he spend his days? Does he need you to allow him to have "time" or does he come and go as he pleases and doesn't give a toss about your opinion?

That is a horrible situation. He's treating you terribly. No one should treat anyone like that, it's like you're a prisoner only able to do things when he says so.

You are being abused very badly by this man. You deserve a place in a refuge if that is your only option. My god woman, this man is horrific

Being allowed time in minutes-long intervals is no kind of life. I guarantee you none of your friends' husbands do this. It is far, far from normal.

Keep the texts, go see a solicitor - you have proof he is controlling. What are the consequences? If you go for a run and don’t return for 45 mins what will happen? If you come back jump in the shower and start cutting your hair, what will he actually do?

I bet you any money he'd have a shock if you told him you were going to work full time so you can pay for your own haircuts and lunch, so childcare will be x amount for his half, please. He shouldn't "give" you money. It's not "his" money to give! If you are at home doing the childcare then his money should be your joint income.