The horrible uncomfortable empty calm

[Timeforachange2018]

I have been with my DP for 18 years and we have 2 kids under 10. It’s been really difficult since we had kids in that it’s exposed all the issues in our relationship. Long story short but after a bit of relate (waiting for more appts) I realised how flat and empty I felt about him. He’s been quite verbally abusive in the past and there are some things I can’t forgive - like being screamed at in the car in front of my kids.
I have realised that I feel empty - and my relationship feels physically, emotionally, intellectually empty in every way.
But now I have realised this, I don’t know what to do. I just feel numb and it’s left me feeling a bit stuck and almost like I need time to process it all before acting on it.
Is that normal? To disrupt my kids lives feels like a massive thing and I need time to work it out before seperating.
But now I have realised it, I feel really awful- really sad and numb as I know it’s over but I am hanging on to what has been.
Does that make sense? Anyone got advice?

This is a big thing for you to realise and it’s no wonder you find it overwhelming. I think it come soon down to two choices ( I imagine anyone in a long term relationship with kids finds themselves between these two posts at some point). Do you think it’s worth it, for the sake of family, kids, house, money, lifestyle, security, the life you have carved for yourself - are these things worth some measure of personal dissatisfaction? Can you work at it? Can you make it better? Or will that feeling of it not being enough weigh more heavily than the feeling of security that you get from providing the kids with the life that you think is best for them? No partner is perfect, and we all settle in some way, I think. It’s a cost/ benefit analysis. Maybe some individual counselling would help you know your own mind?

These feelings are real and they need to be acknowledged. There is a very deep, very real reason why you feel this way and if you let it just fester because you're too scared to rock the boat you'll end up living a half life.
Talk to someone, the Samaritans are there for everyone and regularly receive calls from people like you who are in a total dilemma about things. Give them a call and talk through how you feel.
And read up on emotional abuse. Books like 'Nasty People' and 'Why does he do that?'

And look into signing up for the Freedom Programme immediately because it will give you the strength, the knowledge and the impetus to take charge of your life.

Children often change the dynamic in a relationship - it sounds like he's throwing a tantrum because he's not the sole focus of your attention any more. If so, he needs to grow up but I'm more concerned about you.
You saying that you feel flat and numb rang a bell with me. Do you think you might be depressed? It might be worth asking the GP and maybe getting some antidepressants to help you through this.