My relationship is failing...

[BarryChuckle]

Been together 5 years, not married, 2 very young DCs, I’m a SAHM with mental health issues which I am in the process of getting help for, sleepless nights and lack of quality time together has taken its toll. We’ve battled on for 3 years but things have reached make or break.

Could anyone offer any advice on what we could try to save our relationship? We cannot afford counselling unless it’s free or very cheap, all local relationship counsellors start at £40-£120 per session which we just don’t have presently.

It's a tough time when the DCs are young. Very little time to devote to the relationship. How were things before? Is there much to build on?

It seems to be getting harder, not easier like everyone said.

Things were good, we had arguments like any other couple but we were strong, stable and happy.

Now, I’m forever questioning his feelings towards me which I feel is playing a large part in my mental health issues.

Sorry your having a hard time at the moment it's hard when your children are small.
Relate do a free Web chat service (i dont know if it something you can keep using) and also face to face councilling. Relate are also charity so the fee's are negotiable from what I understand based on your income.
The fact you both want to seek help for your relationship is a good sign.
Do you manage to carve out any time time for each other even if it's just watching a movie at home with some treats?

We were on a low income and Relate still wanted £35 and couldn't give a place at their site nearby but one 30 miles away .

You could talk to each other and agree that you want the relationship to work but acknowledge that neither of you is sure how to do it. You could each write a list of the things you need to change and tackle them one by one. You could both agree to treat each other with respect. You could find a way to have some time together just as a couple. You could take up a hobby together. You could work together to give each other a regular break from the children.

There are so many things you can do but there has to be willingness from both sides.

With regards to your mental health, this really should be the priority - for your children and you. Partner absolutely needs to support you there.

Could you afford to buy some books on improving your relationship? My husband and I regularly read these and have found them of use in our relationship:

www.amazon.co.uk/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/184188295X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&keywords=john+gottman+books&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1521751909&sr=1-1

www.amazon.co.uk/Loving-Against-Odds-Rob-Parsons/dp/0340995998/ref=sr_1_10?s=books&keywords=rob+parsons&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1521752004&sr=1-10

Also just to add that I can relate to the difficulties that young children bring to a relationship. It’s very difficult to have time and energy to devote to the relationship. Our marriage has certainly been strained since we had our first child. We’ve started carving out some us time now and it’s helping but very slowly as It’s only an hour here or there but it’s a start in the right direction.

It's so tough when kids are little.
Could you come up with a schedule where during the weekend one of you is on duty one of the days and the other gets a rest?

Also if you're not getting quality or fun time could you arrange a babysitter a few times a month so you can go out? Get dressed up etc. Or if not, invite friends round and have some fun.

Sorry to hear. I am feeling the same and I think for me it will be to just give up. But they say that it is hard when they are young and things will improve? I guess I dont think there is much left in mine and there are other issues.
I hope you can find a way

Do you have any supportive people around you.
Would they look after kids while you work on your relationship.
PP above has recommended books which is a good place to start.
It's tough with young kids.
But communication is the key.
Some 'me' time is also important.
Even if it's just a catch up with a friend for 2 hours one evening a week.