If you struggle massively socially, how did you meet your partner?

[wizardswife79]

I'm concerned about a friend, X.

I have known X for very many years, we are now approaching late 30s. X struggles massively socially, has a couple of old friends from childhood but hasn't made any new friends in adult life and has never had a relationship. I suspect X has autism/Aspergers, although not confirmed.

X is becoming increasingly unhappy and fears a future alone, would like to meet someone and have a family, but doesn't see that happening. It makes me sad to see such a lovely, intelligent, thoughtful person in this position.

The problem is a complete lack of social skills (not knowing what to say in social situations), completely lacking the confidence to join any sort of social / hobby group or even contemplate anything like internet dating.

I truly believe there is someone for everyone. But how do you find them if you are not an outgoing, confident, sociable sort?

So if anyone on here really struggles socially, how did you meet your other half?

Could they try a club? Or some sort of organised activity, like a class? If there is something else to focus on, they may not worry as much about the social element. Alternatively, she /he could buy a self-help book. Social skills are learned, not innate, and can be learned at any age.

Unfortunately it’s not as easy as “join a club”. We’re talking here about someone who would be totally and utterly overwhelmed by that.
If anyone could recommend a good self help book that might be a starting point.

Surely the easiest thing would be that he finds someone similar to him? I am autistic, met DH as a teenager and he is so similar to me that I have wondered how he'd do in an assessment.

There are forums for aspies that he could join and potentially strike up friendships and maybe a relationship?

Can they cope with chat apps? Lots of people meet on them. (Not datinng apps, just chit chat)

Does X work? Do they do things with you and other friends? Do they have family? Theyre the most usual way for people to meet partners. If they dont socialise in public at all then a special group could be the way to go.

Yes they work. But when you’re late 30s and have been working since early 20s (so almost 20 years in the workplace) and have never met anyone romantically through work you probably need to start looking beyond the workplace for love.

Social life is pretty limited and again nothing romantic has developed through social life in the last 20 years

Online dating worked for me. I have Aspergers and I met DH online, through one of the main dating websites. He is very similar to me and was about to give up, but I'm glad he didn't!

Could your friend try that? There are actually dating sites for people with autism and social anxiety.