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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Where to go from here?? Is this normal or the end?

3 replies

20SomethingConfused · 22/03/2018 13:52

Me and DP have been together for 2.5 years. We have lived together most of that too. We have over the last 18 months had so many problems with the house etc (broken boiler, leaky roof, suffering with no money to fix anything) and it has pushed us to breaking point and we have nearly split up over it but made it through.
DP has family that live elsewhere (can’t say as may be identifying) that we go to visit a few times a year. We have been recently and to my shock and horror obviously I have found myself having feelings for a family member of his. I know in my heart of hearts it’s wrong and it would never happen and obviously nothing has happened. I still love DP but am finding myself doubting whether that is enough if I have suddenly had feelings for somebody else??

DP and I have pretty much no sex life (not bothered really as I don’t have much interest in sex and never have), we were talking about TTC a while back but then some problems arose and I have now decided totally against having children after breaking my heart wanting them. I can’t see us getting married as DP seems to do anything he can to avoid the topic of marriage. I suffer badly with depression and I’m wondering whether it’s just that? As I have had a pretty bad time mental health wise over the last couple of months. I feel like I don’t even want to speak to DP about it as he is very busy with work and I don’t work.

Am I being selfish? I don’t know what to do. Does this happen to everyone? Is it the end?

OP posts:
Hermonie2016 · 22/03/2018 14:06

In my experience 2 years is the time when doubts happen or you realise you are compatible and plan a life together.

If you rushed living together it could be that you really are not suited.Perhaps he feels the same as lack of sex is a big predictor of relationship failing, especially if you are both young and there are no factors like children or health.

Can I ask why you are not working? It must be isolating without focus.

Definitely don't settle because you have a house together..breaking up now is so much easier than if you have dc.

Bananalanacake · 22/03/2018 14:10

Why don't you live apart but still see each other. I appreciate this can be financially difficult though.

20SomethingConfused · 22/03/2018 14:44

@Hermonie2016 I honestly thought we were perfect for each other and I know that he loves me very much but he always says the no sex thing is because he knows I’m not too bothered about it and he doesn’t want me to feel pressured as he isn’t exactly sex mad either lol.

I don’t work due to mental health issues and have been deemed unfit for work.

@Bananalanacake Yes it’s financially difficult for the both of us and I would have to move back into my parents’ house which wouldn’t be a very good position to be in

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