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Original poster

Nervous about date

16 replies

Treehugging · 21/03/2018 18:01

I have a first date coming up soon and I’m really nervous about it. It’s with a guy I’ve liked for ages so I’ve built it up in my head as this huge thing and I’m worried because of that I’m going to mess it up.

Specific worries: my body. I’ve put on some weight since he last saw me and am definitely on the chubby side now. My stomach particularly is horrendous - ever since having my daughter it’s been crinkly, wobbly and very saggy Blush. I don’t want him to think I’m disappointing.

Secondly due to medication I’m on it can be very difficult for me to orgasm and that makes me think the sex could be really awkward Sad.

I know we don’t have to have sex on the first date but if things are going well i really want to as it’s been a while and I’m incredibly attracted to him! So my third worry is, if things go in that direction is he likely to judge me for it or not want to take things further? It seem silly to wait just for that reason but I don’t want to mess things up either.

OP posts:
char187 · 21/03/2018 18:08

Don't sleep with him on your first date! I understand you have urges etc etc but you seem to really like this guy. So don't ruin it by sleeping with him straight away. This may give him the wrong impression of you totally. And if he likes you, he will be willing to wait. If he's a decent guy. Unless I've read this wrong and are just looking for something casual?

Stop worrying about the way you look, I'm sure you will look great. These are all normal first date nerves, you will be fine.

Just please don't sleep with him if you are hoping this could possibly turn into a relationship.

Good luck!

f83mx · 21/03/2018 18:09

No idea if he'll judge you, don't know him! Personally i'd not on the very first date (think there's something for letting things build up a bit) but totally your shout if you fancy it, however if your anxieties about your body aren't eased over the date then it might not be great if you're worrying.
However, in my experience - blokes really won't care about a wobbly tummy and if you explain about the meds then you can explain that although sex is very enjoyable you might not 'finish' so to speak or he'll have to work that bit harder! Sure you look great tho so enjoy the date!

Original poster
Treehugging · 21/03/2018 18:13

On the first date sex thing, I don’t know if we will or not but there has been a lot of toing and froing and flirting in the time we’ve known each other which is over a year so I am hoping the usual rules don’t apply Blush

OP posts:
SpiritedLondon · 21/03/2018 18:26

Ok re the sex thing - that’s totally your shout and I wouldn’t let anyone else’s views impact on that but I think if it’s been a while I would concentrate on re connected with him ( I see how you progress) When you’re ready you will feel more relaxed and less anxious than you do now. Even so I personally would wear lingerie that I felt good in and concealed the bits you’re worried about - for me a chemise which covers the tum makes me feel more confident. You can buy them with removable suspenders etc. In any event a set that enhances your good bits can only help to make you feel better about yourself. Good luck - sounds awesome.

SpiritedLondon · 21/03/2018 18:27

Jeez sorry for mis spellings. On phone.

Original poster
Treehugging · 21/03/2018 20:39

Thanks. I’ve given the impression that sexy times will be happening so it would feel a bit strange to change the vibe. I think I’ll just go with whatever happens.

OP posts:
Myheartbelongsto · 21/03/2018 21:10

Don't sleep with him on the first date if you want to see him again.

Emmageddon · 21/03/2018 21:17

Have you told him you've put a bit of weight on since you last met? Not that it should matter. He might have gained weight too. How long is it since you saw him?
As for sex, if the chemistry is there and it feels right, go ahead and enjoy yourself!

Original poster
Treehugging · 21/03/2018 21:21

Why do people say this about not sleeping together on the first date? Have you experienced this and never seen the person again?

OP posts:
jazzbarfunk · 21/03/2018 21:23

Keep the knowledge in your head that without an erection he too is wrinkly, saggy and wobbly!

SpiritedLondon · 21/03/2018 21:30

God OP when I was younger there would be all these rules about when you were “ allowed” to have sex. Not before the third date if I remember correctly. If you slept with someone before then you were leaving yourself open to all sorts of horrible names. Of course the men were never subjected to this as they were just being “lads”. I would be sad if people were still making judgements like that but there are dicks everywhere ( of both genders ) so who knows. In this case it sounds like you’re already friends so presumably you know what category he falls into ?

MarieG10 · 21/03/2018 21:31

Never done first date sex...I always liked having a few dates...but if you really fancy him, you may find the orgasms flow...at least if he pays attention to you before hand!!

Good luck and keep us updated!

biggirlknickers · 21/03/2018 21:38

Sleeping with someone on the first date has nothing to do with whether a man will stick around or not. In fact, if a man was going to disappear because I HAD slept with him then he’s not the sort of man I want to be with long term anyway. So from that perspective, sex on the first date could be argued to be a good way of sorting out the good uns from the bad uns!

For what it’s worth, the last 2 first dates I went on, I slept with them. The first one stuck around for 20+ years. The second one is still with me nearly 3 years in.

As for the OP’s worries: entirely normal. Body issues - we all have those, especially after having a baby. Again, if he’s a man worth getting involved with he won’t give two hoots about your imperfections. He’ll be delighted with you just the way you are. He’s probably got plenty of imperfections himself (and doesn’t expect you to be disappointed when you discover them).

The orgasm issue is a tricky one but I would say that being intimate with someone shouldn’t be all about having an orgasm - that’s just a pleasant bonus. You can still get an enormous amount of pleasure from the encounter without it. If it’s becoming an issue while you’re DTD with him - like he seems to expect it - you can explain the problem (if you don’t want to mention medication just say you’re too drunk / nervous / or something) and reassure him that you’re enjoying yourself anyway.

Good luck OP - have a wonderful time!

Original poster
Treehugging · 21/03/2018 22:01

Thank you biggirlknickers - very reassuring! I think if I overthink this anymore my head may explode but I get the impression the timing of the sex doesn’t really make a difference to whether a guy ‘sticks around’ and I’m being ridiculous building up expectations anyway!

OP posts:
SpiritedLondon · 26/03/2018 15:05

So OP - how did it go ?

Proseccopanda · 26/03/2018 15:54

I did first date sex...been married to said date nearly 14yrs Grin

Hope it went well OP, sex or not.

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