Lost my confidence from being SAHM?!

[smedrock]

I've been a SAHM for the last ten years and just getting back out into the world. I'm now working a couple of days a week but my partner is getting frustrated with my lack of confidence which I think has surprised us both. Before kids I had a good job and would travel allover the UK and abroad. I'm in a much less responsible job now by choice as still want time w the kids. Only now I feel like sitting in a crowded cinema or going into town at night feels overwhelming. What's happened to me?! And how can I help my partner understand?

I had that. Before I had ds, I had a technical job covering the whole of Europe & part of the US. Then I had a year's ML, a year fighting unfair dismissal, then a year being bullied at an awful company. When I finally got another decent job and had to drive to Nottingham for work, I had a panic attack the evening before. I was surprised too.

But it's not unusual. If you spend a few years not driving far, being attacked and belittled and having people undermine your confidence, it's a normal reaction.

And even you had the perfect ML, not isolated or short of money, the fact remains that you are out of practice. In your case 10 years out of practice. Confidence wears thin. Your partner needs to help you get back into it by being patient and encouraging. Do little things often, make sure cover for DCs is reliable & trusted, and build up gradually. Stressing you out won't help. It took me about a year to feel better.

Thanks so much kingsclerelass! I think I'm gonna set myself some small challenges and go from there...your situation sounds awfully hard. Glad it seems better now. Onwards and upwards!

You are not alone! I definitely felt like this too. I used to teach classes of teenage boys at high school, and was responsible for their GCSE courses, and now I am working as a teaching assistant. I don't care though. I had been so long out of work, and this way I still get to work with children, but not take any work home! I am also a single parent, and although working full-time, it doesn't feel toooo overwhelming (largely because I can leave my job behind at the end of the day). You have to do what works for you. Good luck!

Oh, and don't forget that for your partner, life didn't really change since parenthood. Not in the same way, or to the same extent. It is YOUR body that has changed, your mindset, your professional life. Pretty much everything, in fact! So that's what he won't fully understand what it's like for you.

Thinking back, when I realised what had happened, I did a couple of confidence boosting outings. I did a morning, learning to control a car skid on a skidpan. I've never used it, but it helped because it was something I'd never done before and there was no-one there I knew if I messed up.
And I had a full makeup session just to feel like I looked my best.

Thanks all! Always good to know you're not alone x

It has taken me 2 years to really settle back into working and feeling capable and that is the same job I had before ml (though pt now).

Good for you for getting back into the job market and doing something for yourself. It will get easier.

smedrock I totally understand how you feel. I have been a sahm for 19 years. We have 4 dc. Now the youngest is 11 I have thought about going back to work, but tbh I'm terrified as well as feeling completely useless.

I'm going to look at volunteering to try and boost my confidence. I actually have a sort of phobia about cinemas, theatres etc basically sitting in a large group of people. I understand feeling overwhelmed. Fortunately my dh is very understanding and supportive. Can your dh not understand that people change and that 10 years out of the workplace would dent your confidence?

@4andout...so funny... This was all precipitated by me not wanting to sit in a crowded cinema. I think my dh is pretty supportive but he finds it hard to understand why things like large crowds are strange for me now.

This is how I feel! Ha ha I've been busy bring a rad mum obvs