Feel free to comment on my sex life pls, advice needed!

[Piffleoffagus]

Oh god I swore I'd never do this but here goes.
Dp and I have been together 4 happy years, I have ds 10 from prev relationship. We now have dd who is 21 mths.
Our sex life used to be very energetic frequent and on deman from both or either of us.
Since having dd and being preg with her, my libido has taken a rather serious dive. I still fancy him, love him to bits, but just lack the va va voom...
Now we have been ttc for 7 mths, both other times I got preg overnight it seemed.
So this last month I have been charting, the best times to do it etc, and we have done it quite happily and enjoyed it.
Dp used to enjoy the occastional self indulgence, if I was not in the mood, now this morning he was snuggling up in his usual I want nookie way and I said, before he asked, I'm too tired and sweaty (hot bedroom) but feel free to have a W**k.
With this he flounced...
I was only pre empting but then he goes of on one about it alway being up to me, I decide everything, it's only when I want.
I did mention that sex is best consensual...
We do it 3 times a week on average, even at the worst times it's still been once a week.
I really don't want to fall out with him over this but feel ever so slightly indignant. He has a very high sex drive, I don't. I am trying to fix it with diet changes and exercise and stuff, but it will not happen overnight...
What can I say to him to him to make him feel less emasculated...
Sorry this went on a bit...

deman = demand lol

My turn to give u advice now piffle

ummm, why don't you try porn???
Might make you feel more in the mood and will be sure to get a reaction out of him.

My dh would love for me to tell him to go have a wank so can't be of much other help I'm affraid.

My dh said I was focusing too much on making a baby and not just having sex. Do you think this is the case with you. My dh made me give up taking my temperature etc etc - probably why we're still trying after 8 bloody months!!!!

That's men for you.

I think he should think himself lucky getting it 3 times a week, or even once a week. Much more than me and dh but luckily we both seem to have low sex drives

I think it is he always feels has asks and I say yes or no, maybe if he stopped bloody asking LOL

Well, I think you have MASSES of sex!

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i think you're doing very well compared to most! We used to have a fantastic sex life pre-ds. Everyone says its the tiredness that gets you, but i admit that all our probs are caused by my lack of self esteem now. If I can lose the baby fat and get back to being fit, i know it'll all be ok. Its the actual doing it thats the hard part. This prob doesn't help you at all! But we've gone from every day to once or twice a month, so you're very lucky! I agree with angelpoppet though, a good dodgy video works wonders.

Twiglett, thank you for making me feel normal!!

Actually, we have managed it once post-birth... the "does everything still work" bonk... then just as I was starting to feel more human I had the Mirena fitted and now I'm bleeding all the time and don't really feel in the mood...

... oh well, another couple of months won't kill him

Sorry, I'm supposed to be offering advice, aren't I?

I don't think you're being unreasonable tbh. Last time around our sex drives went back to "normal" (actually, better than normal) when ds1 was around 2 years old, maybe a little older. I think before then, we were so exhausted, plus you get a bit all cuddled out with the kid during the day and really feel like a bit of personal space by the evening!

Also found that once things got started I enjoyed myself, but didn't often have the inclination to get started... so really needed to tell myself to get on with it a few times

Anyway, I think you're doing great. I don't blame you for not being interested in this weather either...

see, now I'm wondering if everything still works, and I'm a bloke...(6 years and counting, see other threads)

I would comment on w**king, and how soul destroying and dull it is, but maybe this isn't the place.

I cant really suggest anything, as when I was with xdp we didnt have sex Problems with me, not with him. So we found other things to do to make up for it. Maybe suggest doing something different with him to maybe get you in the mood. And he may have felt a bit embarrassed when you said to him to have a w**k, and thats why he went off on one. Plus I think womens sex drive goes down after having a baby anyway. Wish I could have sex three times a week lol

I think you are having lots of sex. It sounds as if it is already a compromise with you having a bit more sex than you want and him having a bit less, which might even sound fair to him if he realised that in fact, you do compromise and you do have sex when he wants it and you would happily go without. Maybe he doesn't realise this at all.

that IS a lot more sex than I can ever imagine having, not that I would complain, the idea of struggling to keep up appeals somewhat. Since we stopped I've let my health and looks go (not that there was a lot to begin with) to be honest