Relationship advice

[Emfxx]

Me and my boyfriend have been together nearly 9 months. The start of the relationship was so good. He always made me feel special, wanted and always called me babe, gorgeous etc. But sooner or later he got more and more jealous with me and the more and more I couldn’t do, I now can’t see my friends, he gets really p*ssed when I say I’m going out for a meal with my family. I’m only 17. He constantly calls me names, such as a stupid bitch, freak, paranoid girl etc. I can get jealous. I do admit that, but it’s only because he seems to be able do what he wants, speak to his friends and stuff... and I can’t? I can’t have Facebook, Instagram or snapchat neither but he can? He constantly puts me down, makes me cry, and when I cry he calls me weak. I don’t know what to do, he makes me so happy sometimes and I have become so dependant on him it’s unreal. I can’t do without him but he makes me so sad and unhappy a lot. I don’t know what to do😞.

Only just signed up to this by the way. I feel very unhappy and do not know what to do.

Dump him. It'll only get worse. Do you live with him? Can you move back home if you do? If you get on with your parents, tell them. I'd certainly want to know if it was my daughter.

Run away sweetie
This is an abusive relationship. If you're close to your parents then tell them about it.
Don't live like this; you're so young; break up with him.

You are in a controlling, abusive relationship. He is slowly cutting you off from support systems, your family and friends. This is how it starts.

Get out now. Tell your family what he is doing. Tell a trusted grown up at school if you don't have supportive family. But get out.

I don’t know how I am supposed to leave. I have become so independent on him. And I can’t get enough of him, it sounds so very stupid not wanting or being able to leave unless you are going through it or have done. I love him to bits, I wish he would just treat me right, he always seems to turn things on me, and make me feel bad and make me feel like I’m being weird or clingy, or I’m too emotional. He tells me I am f*cked in the head to. I have never been so stuck. I am at the point where I know it’s not right how he is treating me and how I feel. But I can’t help but love him and forgive him 😞

It's not love you are feeling. It's an addiction.

He won't change.

Well, he doesn't love you I'm afraid. Dump this sorry specimen. You deserve much more.

If you stay with this person your self esteem will be ground down to zero. Please leave him, a boyfriend is meant to enhance and make your life better, not call you foul names and stop you from meeting with family and friends. If this is your first serious relationship it will be devastating but you really must free yourself from his abuse.

Can you talk to your parents or friends and ask them to help you kick this horrible person out of your life? Or is there someone at school or college who could help?

I hope you can find the help you need and wishing you good luck.

I've been in this situation and I'm afraid it doesn't get any better. You need to leave him and one day you'll find a guy who loves and respects you.

You deserve more!

I have my mum to talk to, she has told me over and over to leave him. I cannot physically do it. It will break me, I can’t see my life without him and I can’t have the thought of him being with someone else. I am quite happy sometimes but it’s when the arguments happen, which is a lot. He is pushing me to the breaking point where I feel like I am becoming mentally ill.

You’ve got to leave him. When you love someone that is so hard to do but you have to make the best decision for your future self! Try to think if you had a friend in an abusive relationship like this what would your advice be to them? It is psychological abuse and this kind of thing tends to stem from the persons own insecurities. From my experience these kind of people are the least reliable and are likely to cheat. You want to find a relationship where you can be yourself and are not being controlled. You deserve much better than this and talking about it is that first step so well done. You have to be really strong and break away from him. Do you have some family or friends that you can rely on as you will need their support. I promise you, it might hurt to start with but leaving this person is 100% the best thing to do

He will never treat you right, this will never get better, only worse

You’re only 17, you’ve got your whole life in front of you. Do you really want the next 20 years to be like this?

Run as fast as you can and never look back

Listen to your mum here.
You'll have forgotten him in a few months if you ditch him. He should be adding to your life and it should be fun, not all this stress

The words you need are - 'I'm done with you' then block him and go work on your self esteem.

You are 17, you can leave him if you really want to, you don't feel ready and that's fine but for goodness sake you must know the way he is treating you is never acceptable, never.

If I was you I'd try and set up some kind of life for myself away from him, he sounds utterly horrible.

Sweetie, you know it's wrong - the way he's treating you. What is it going to take? Him giving you a beating because you received a smile from a stranger in the street? You ending up in hospital because he didn't like you answering the door, even though you were pregnant?

Tell your mum or show her this thread and I'm sure she will help you.

Pull yourself together sweetheart. Your 17! You have your whole life ahead of you! This boy doesn’t love you, he doesn’t really care about you. He wants to control you and use you. Please open your eyes!!! Tell him it’s over, block/delete him from all forms of social media. Change your phone number and do not contact him. If he bothers you after this then go to the police. He’s abusing you - he may not have physically hurt you (yet) but he is manipulating you and making you think that your need him. You don’t. This is not how someone would treat you or make you feel if they loved you. Please geT out of this now, while you can. This guy will not change!!!

My first husband was like that. It began in a similar way and he abused me is every way possible. I understand it’s difficult for you to leave, it’s like he had some hold over you but ask your mum to help you leave. You have to before things escalate. It may not seem like they can get much worse but believe me they can.

It’s very hard, this relationship has it’s good days and has it’s bad. And so does my partner. One day he’s normal and nice, the next he’s horrible and calls me names. He never says sorry, and never really cares that I am crying.. I love him to pieces and try to work with his problems. Such as anxiety, anger issues and emotional problems. I understand that we all get mad and say stuff we don’t mean. But when it comes to the fact that it’s nearly everyday and he doesn’t even show any remorse (if that’s the right word.. basically I mean he doesn’t even show the slightest bit of sorryness.) I know it’s not right, he’s never cheating on me and I know he won’t. He is very loyal and I can give him that one, but why does he give me so much grief, I thought he loved me. I’m constantly depressed, and I have never been like this, I have a lot of panic attacks, which I never did before, I cry all the time. And I even said I do not see the point in life, because I think about the future and I think, how can I enjoy life? Have a shitty job and just sit pay bills and that’s it??? I have never said I do not see the point in life, I am not suicidal, but I am very unhappy with life at the moment. I cannot see the light and the end of the tunnel.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is NONE.

You are but 17 years of age and he will break you if you stay; you cannot stay with him out of habit and what you are feeling is not love at all. It could well be codependency. You are not his muse to his Svengali like figure. What do you think when your mother tells you to leave him?.

When you were younger what did you imagine a relationship would be like?. What did you learn about relationships when growing up?

Abusive men can be nice sometimes but what you are seeing here is the nice/nasty cycle from him which is a continuous one. This is commonly seen in abusive relationships like this one is.

Womens Aid can and will help you here on 0808 2000 247. You really do need to call them.

Such men also hate women, all of them. Its not your fault he is like this and you cannot rescue or fix such a person. This is who he is and he wants to drag you down with him. Sadly at present you are letting him do this, he does this because he can and he targeted you really because you are young, have poor boundaries in relationships and have no real life experience behind you.

And I even said I do not see the point in life, because I think about the future and I think, how can I enjoy life? Have a shitty job and just sit pay bills and that’s it??? I have never said I do not see the point in life, I am not suicidal, but I am very unhappy with life at the moment. I cannot see the light and the end of the tunnel

Stop. Stop this now. HE is making you feel like this. He does not love you. This is not what a real, loving, happy relationship is like. This is abuse and you must get out of this now, today. Get away from this vile man. He treats you badly/upsets you because he doesn’t love you. It’s his way of controlling you - he treats you ok one minute then brings you down again to break your confidence so that you end up feeling useless/like you need him because that’s all you deserve. This is how he wants you to feel!

Please please please put and end to this now. Ask your mum to help you.

You have the world at your feet - get yourself a job if you haven’t already. Start saving some money, plan a trip abroad or look into working over seas. See a bit of the world, meet new people, have fun! This is what life is all about! Not this pathetic man!!!

You know how you think he loves you? Well, can you imagine behaving like this to someone you love? No? That's because he doesn't love you. He wants you - but that's different. He wants you like he'd want a really nice watch - to show off to his friends and flash about to show what a great, high-earning guy he is. And then he'd take that watch off and keep it in a box.

He wants to keep you in a box. That's why he doesn't want you to have friends or speak to anyone other than him (if he hasn't got to that stage yet, he will). It's not because he cares about YOU, sweetie, it's because he cares about the way HE looks.

You need to leave him to his own devices. It won't feel like it to start with, but the pain will fade, and in a few months you will wonder what the hell you were thinking to ever be with him.

You ain't nobody's flashy watch, kid.

God. He is controlling and abusive. Yes only nice when you're doing as you're told yet he has all the freedom he wants.

Can you imagine your sister or mum or friend being in a relationship like this?

Leave before he gets you pregnant or truly dependant on.him and making it harder to leave.

It can feel frightening at the thought of ending a relationship when you believe you love someone so much. Trust in a relationship is important as is being able to see your family and go on social media without issues from your partner.

This is an open shut case of abuse. You need to leave him and start working on your future. This is not love - in fact it is the antithesis of a love.

For your own sake; leave him. He will end up breaking you down and making you a shadow of yourself, he will end up destroying any dreams or opportunities you aspire to.

You're only 17 sweetheart. This is not the life you deserve.