DSis has got into alternative therapies - now I can't say anything negative around her - what can I do?

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DSis got into alternative therapy stuff a few years ago - it started off with reiki and ear candling type of thing, she's been through quite a few things and lots of self-help type books since. Each to their own and all that.

But the last year or so because she's always looking to be fun and put positive things out into the universe, I am not allowed to express a negative opinion. Ok, positive thinking is probably a good idea.

But life happens and now our DM has just had a fall and broken her arm and is really struggling, so we might have to move her into a home. DSis says she wants us to sort out anything for DM together (DBro lives abroad so can't do anything) but anytime I try and say mum's finding it difficult or I'm finding it difficult (I'm a single mum and work full time) she stops me and talks about something else or tells me off for my negativity.

I don't think I'm overly pessimistic but sometimes things just aren't that great and this is one of those moments imo. I just don't know what to say to her. I know this isn't AIBU, but AIBU? I'm so tired atm I think it's affecting me more than usual.

This would drive me up the wall! I would avoid as much as possible and find other people to listen. When it comes to your mum's care, can you come up with a plan and tell your sister, presenting it in a really positive way, so she either has to agree or be the one who has to be negative/critical?

I agree with Una. You could also text or email your sister your proposed care plan so you don't have to discuss it face to face or better still ask your sister to come up with a plan.

I had a friend who adopted positive thinking - no negativity ever allowed on pain of being called toxic - it was quite controlling in a way. My aunt also adopted "rose tinted specs" and decided the world would sort whatever the problem was out itself. This abdicated her from making tough decisions and doing lots of leg work which I ended up sorting and then she would breezingly say - see, it all worked out!

Sorry to hear about your mum. In your shoes, I would agree the care plan via email, and then feel free to bitch and whine as much as you feel like. Tell her that if her positivity can't cope with it then she isn't trying hard enough.

My best friend has turned to this and it's destroyed our friendship.
Everything is about 'putting it out to the universe' and saying 'affirmations' daily.

When I had the flu she said 'oh it's just all the negative things you've been through coming out'

I find it draining to talk to her and I miss who she was when we could laugh and complain about stuff

Sorry about your Mum I feel for you dealing with that and your sister

I would tell her to stop being the fucking thought police and does she want to help mum or not? But my sister and I are usually quite clear in our communications (it goes both ways...)

All of that positive energy is exactly what your mum needs to heal in the best possible way. Leave your mum with her and let her get on with it.

Tell her you are positive your mum is struggling and that the two of you need to take affirmative action to make her life better.
She needs to learn the difference between being a positive person who addresses and resolves problems and a head in the sand ostrich who ignores issues and hope they go away. She’s actually being weak and selfish, not positive.

She can think positive as much as she wants. If it is good for her then why not? Now about your mum: can your sister live with your mumby either moving to your mum's house or by bringing your mum to live with her- given that you are a full time working single mum that would be the best solution, unless of course out sis has kids of her own...

I'd deal with her via email. This is not a positive situation. I hate this kind of navel-gazing bullshit. She's being totally selfish, and is essentially just putting the entire mental load of the situation on you.

I don't think her approach is being realistic. Does she really expect your mum to be positive about hurting herself and possibly losing her independence? I would get incredibly cross with her to be honest.

"DSis are you trying to diminish my reality? My feelings are real whether you like them or not"

A lot of the positive thinking is to do with the language you use. For example "Mum is really struggling" could turn into "What do you think we could do to help Mum?"
One of my son's football coaches says "Don't do that!" the other one says "Next time, do this...."
That is how I see positive thinking.
(But I also agree with PP that some positive thinkers are also head-in the-sand-ers.)

She sounds positively patronizing!

My MIL is in to alternative stuff so for instance if something occurs it will always be because your a Virgo or it's because moon is rising in Jupiter. No it's because that person is a grade A arsehole.

That's just the astrology part, she has tried to force her remedies etc on me many times and it drives me up the wall.

My aunt also adopted "rose tinted specs" and decided the world would sort whatever the problem was out itself. This abdicated her from making tough decisions and doing lots of leg work which I ended up sorting and then she would breezingly say - see, it all worked out!

This hits the nail on the head as to how she is. The email thing is a good idea - she does always want to meet up but I might just have to be strong and say no I will just email you.

Tell her that if her positivity can't cope with it then she isn't trying hard enough.

this really made me smile!

There’s a bucket of research to suggest that this blind positivity is associated with less happy outcomes, mainly because the person isn’t facing up to reality. It’s not resilience, it’s a denial of truth - and that’s not a good place to be.

You could tell her that your mother’s feelings need to be validated, and that some constructive problem-solving is entirely positive. It sounds like you’re going to have to keep this on a tight rein though. I’m sorry, it sounds really bloody irritating.