help me give him space, and help me get through each moment :(

[ArriettyCArriettyC]

Been together 18 months. Never been happier. Have had our ups and downs but he genuinely is a good person, and I have been so happy. We had a few disagreements yesterday, and I was tired and grumpy with him. I did not behave well and am very ashamed.

He left my place last night, and today has said he wants to be on his own this week, wants space. We don't live together.
I am absolutely devastated, and have apologised and tried to explain. He doesn't want to talk. I have tried to call him three times , must not do more.
He said NO, when I said 'is that definitely the end of me and you?'. But it really feels like it.
Please help me :(

Does he normally sulk like this?

What did you do?

Urgh a sulker. How unattractive. He's probably making you feel insecure on purpose. Don't get drawn in. Just ignore him until he come crawling back and then make sure you get a full apology for this petulant behaviour.

Before you blame him for being a dick I think OP needs to tell us just how much of a dick she has been.

Ugh what a twat. I’d let him have his space. Permanently. Seriously OP, you’re worth more than this.

Depends what the op done tbh. If someone upset me then I might want some space aswell.

Seems like an odd reaction for a grown up. Unless you really were utterly dreadful to him
But being a bit grumpy and tetchy is just part of life...

thanks for the quick replies. I have issues with insecurity. I was controlling about him going out with his friends for the day. I know ... my fault. Of course he can have friends :(. And also I was cross and wouldn;t let it lie - another disagreement. It's definitely my fault. He feels very unhappy and wants to spend time alone. I find it so hard to deal with and can't help being terrified it's the end. Why couldn't I just be supportive and kind? Have I thrown away the best thing ever happened to me?

You've only been together 18 months and you've had your "ups and downs"? Sounds like code for a volatile and unhappy relationship.
Very ashamed? It all sounds a bit too dramatic TBH.

Has he told you that you're controlling or do you think you are? He shld either sort out the issue with you or end it not leave you hanging

I know. perhaps I'm being dramatic :(
Help me give him space, not contact him. I keep thinking 'if only I told him this ....' it would be OK

Well you need to learn a lesson from this one way or another.
You cannot control someone else’s life even if you are anxious. All you will do is push them away.
Think about what you want and maybe get some therapy for yourself to work out why your feeling so insecure, is it just with him or is a deeper feeling?

Not wanting someone to go out with their friends is controlling.!

AND yes. Just leave him to be for a bit. There are no need for explanations right now
Give both of you space to think about things in an adult way.

thank you so much. It helps to say this stuff 'out loud'. I def have insecurity issues, and I think it's been 'the straw that broke the camel's back' for him maybe

For now I honestly think you need to leave him to it. Perhaps it would be more helpful to spend some time addressing your issues.

yes, you're right thanks. I will NOT contact him ... :(
I will keep busy

Give him the space he wants - that is after all what the original disagreement was about - let him be for a while. If it is meant to be, it will be.

If you have issues you need to think about how to resolve them. They're not an excuse for behaving badly.

The first few responses are ridiculous.

OP, I think anyone with unresolved issues has behaved like a knob from time to time. I know I have. I think its ‘easy’ to do so with someone you feel you can show your true colours to.

I also get the feeling that you find it difficult to verbalise your problems? Apologies if I’m wrong, it’s just that I’ve been there.

I think you’ve misjudged trying to contact him straight away, too and it’s going to be hard to keep away. The only thing I can suggest is keeping yourself as busy as possible over the next few days.

If your comfortable doing so, it could be helpful to tell him about your insecurities (after he’s had a few days). If he is serious about the two of you, he will listen and try to understand things from your POV too. If, after he’s had his space, he isn’t ‘accepting’ of you and unwilling to work on things together, then you’ll know that you’re not compatible.

The space could be good for you too.

I too feel the 'space' will be good for you. 18 months ago you didn't know of his existence and now he's taking up sooo much headspace!

Use the time to rediscover 'you' as a single entity. This is far healthier than making him the reason for your existence. Do something interesting each day, either out or at home. Have some quality 'me' time.

Sure this has been posted before or something very similar with the OP holding back the reason for the disagreement in first post. Have you started another thread on this OP?

Is this a common theme op. Do you give him a hard time about going out usually, what do you not like about It? Has there been trust issues in the past?
Personally if I was him I would also ask for space? I would need time to process my thoughts and I usually find it best to do this alone in these types of situations, it helps keep things calm.
Do as he has asked and respect his request for space. But at some point you do need to 're visit this and try to get to the bottom of why you acted the way you did and how you go about resolving some of those issues because feeling insecure feels shit for you and if it's making you want to try and control him it will feel shit for him too.