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Original poster

Controlling ex

19 replies

Chatty81 · 18/03/2018 13:04

Advice please my ex husband is controlling what I can and can’t do when it’s my time with the kids and I’m stuck I don’t know if he is right to do this please help

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 18/03/2018 13:23

How is he trying to control what you do with them? Can you give more info?

Original poster
Chatty81 · 18/03/2018 13:34

Last weekend he decided because our son had been naughty at his I had to punish him when he came home
Now I’m not allowed to take my son shooting ( yes it’s all legal and on private land only shooting tin cans)
I did ask for his ok before I did this and he was fine now he’s telling me I can’t because my son was naughty again at his house
The list goes on but that’s just this weekend
I’m not allowed or want any input into what happens when he has the kids but he keeps pushing me into taking the phones from the kids cause they mis behave for him but there good for me

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 18/03/2018 13:37

He can punish him when he has them on his time. Take your son shooting and ignore your Ex.

If the kids are naughty with you...you deal with the discipline.

He doesn't get to control you anymore. Don't allow it.

FlippingFoal · 18/03/2018 13:48

He has no say on how you deal with your son and you have no say on how he does - cooperative parenting would be ideal, but sometimes parallel parenting is necessary. Kids adapt to having different rules at different houses.

scotgal2017 · 18/03/2018 14:33

So he says the kids are naughty when they are at his but you have to punish them? Is that because he doesn't want to look like the bad guy? Or he's trying to take the piss and expect you to do more than 50% of the parenting.

Tell him to discipline HIS children when they are with HIM. You are responsible for their discipline when they are with you only.

Set your boundaries, tell him what they are and stick to them. xx

Gemini69 · 18/03/2018 14:37

why are you allowing... you EX to tell you what to do ? why do you believe he must be obeyed ?

Cricrichan · 18/03/2018 14:50

If a child has something confiscated or a consequence because of misbehaviour it would be great if both parents respect it.however, it has to be both ways and only if you're in agreement.

NotTakenUsername · 18/03/2018 14:57

What on earth did your son do to ‘warrant’ a long term ban on any activity!? He sounds over the top and yes, extremely controlling.

I see it as akin to school. Two separate places. I don’t send Dd and tell the teacher she can’t have her break because of something that happened at home.

Teacher doesn’t send her home and say she can’t have TV time because of a misdemeanour at school.

We each manage our own settings. Luckily we also respect each other and work together - but you can only work with what you are given OP.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/03/2018 15:01

He can only control you if you let him.

kinorsam · 18/03/2018 15:19

How old are the children?

Original poster
Chatty81 · 18/03/2018 17:56

Thanks for the replies my ex always was very controlling but silly me thought when I left it would stop boy was I wrong
My kids range from 17 to 10 and to be honest I think I’m just too scared to say anything to him in fear of him taking the kids
My son was in a fight with his older brother and his dad now blames the shooting for him fighting

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 18/03/2018 17:59

he's your EX husband Hmm he has NO control over your decisions and choices and certainly not what happens in your own home... the threat of taking the kids is a poor one... he would lose control should he do that.. how could he manipulate you if he had the kids .... call his bluff Flowers

Aquamarine1029 · 18/03/2018 18:43

He is NOT going to be able to take your kids! What a load of shite if he has threatened to. Stop letting him gaslight and control you right this minute. He can fuck right off.

NotTakenUsername · 19/03/2018 07:45

How about daddy blames the fighting on being a controlling bully who sets a terrible example? Always someone else’s fault with people like that.

flumpybear · 19/03/2018 07:50

Barriers! Tell him if he feels the need to punish then, within reason, that's up to him - they behave themselves with you and you reward or punish accordingly

Step away from the abusive controlling behaviour, you've stepped away from the man by him being your ex - now make that behaviour no longer affect you
Thanks

Original poster
Chatty81 · 19/03/2018 08:10

Thanks for the replies I messaged him through the kids which I hate doing but it’s the only way he will do it and told him it’s my choice now his reply was well if the kids get hurt it’s your fault but I warned you
So it’s a step and I feel better for doing it so thanks again

OP posts:
Aprilmightmemynewname · 19/03/2018 08:13

Get yourself a gun, draw pics of ex on the cans. Instant feel good.

NotTakenUsername · 19/03/2018 08:15

well if the kids get hurt it’s your fault but I warned you

What a knob.

Original poster
Chatty81 · 19/03/2018 09:54

Haha thanks I like the cans idea

OP posts:
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