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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What's going on with him? Us?

6 replies

Deedee92 · 17/03/2018 18:56

Hi Everyone,
So this might be a bit long-sorry but I'm very looking forward to see what your opinion is on my relationship.

Me(25) and my boyfriend(32) have been together for about 3 1/2 years. We have been living together for 2 1/2years ish.
We met online, a weird match. He's an engineer with good education and I have been working with kids since I moved to the UK (about 6yrs ago). Our relationship didn't start great because of me ... I was eager to have a strong relationship but when I got together with him I didn't know how to act. I wanted to do thing right but I had no experience. My boyfriend used to have quite a good social life. Me not so much ... always struggled to find friends and keep them, I still only have 2...
We've had our ups and downs, loads of. I mean loads !!! But we're still together. He tried to break up 2 times but I asked him both times to try to work on it. And I have been trying but I think he might not be interested... we got distant with each other, I feel he's not interested sometimes, I feel he's given up sometimes I mean he's still here and we laugh and we travel loads but I just feel he's not committed. This makes it really hard for me as I'm constantly thinking and trying to guess what is on his mind. And this is another problem, overthinking and having time for it. I'm only working 2 days a week and studying from home... I feel maybe sometimes I should just chill the duck out and stop thinking but I can't... I was so convinced up till a few weeks ago that I love him but I'm not sure anymore... I just want us to go strong and give myself a break! I want to stop overthinking but how?!
He's not the best at communicating... and I love to talk stuff out.

We haven't had sex in 6 weeks and it's another thing that's driving me crazy. I miss him and I miss the sex and the intimacy ... I told him that and he said his willy is sore. That's it . That's all he said. I have found out a few days ago that he goes on fab swingers and adultworks... I think (hope) he's just looking but hurts me like crazy. Am I not good enough? Am I bad at sex? Faulty? Worthless? Small? Disgusting? These are the things that pop in my mind and I don't know what to do.

I want to make this work and have a strong relationship but how ?!! It's up and down and I know I've been going on about the downs but we have many great amazing ups as well. And I can count on him and I love him and my world would fall apart if he wasn't in it. So what's there to do?

Thanks for reading guys and I will add more details as the thread goes on...

DeeDee

OP posts:
TheVeryHungryDieter · 17/03/2018 19:02

Honey, relationships aren't meant to be this much work where you have to beg someone to be interested in you.

Let this one go, his heart isn't in it. You are only one person and you can't organise the perfect relationship on your own, you need two people who are fully committed.

You don't need to add more details. It's pretty clear this relationship is unsatisfying to both of you and should have been over long ago.

Ryder63 · 17/03/2018 19:06

Sorry but the relationship is dead. Bury it and move on. Get yourself tested for STIs too. Sore willy.....Hmm

Zaphodsotherhead · 17/03/2018 19:34

If he's not cheating now then he's looking for an opportunity to cheat. Leave him now before you get home to a 'sorry, this isn't working , how soon can you move out?'

He's on Fabswingers and Adultworks because he's shagging other women, or he wants to. There is no other explanation (no, he's not 'just looking').

AnyFucker · 17/03/2018 19:38

I would assume his "sore willy" is because he has an std because he sounds like a sleazy fucker.

Lifeaback · 17/03/2018 19:41

You can't make a relationship work if one side has lost interest, which I'm sorry to say it sounds like he has. Accept this and end it before he ends it with you or cheats on you- by being in control it will hurt you a bit less

PrettyLittIeThing · 17/03/2018 19:42

Sore willy? Hmm maybe he hasn't wanted to have sex for 6 weeks because he's got something.

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