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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Divorce advice

9 replies

2monkey · 17/03/2018 17:09

Hi,

I'm looking for some advice. I am getting divorced after 5 years marriage. I have a baby that was only a few weeks old when my ex decided he wanted out of the marriage, and a 2 year old. I had to divorce him as he wouldn't leave the house, and wanted me to move out with the children. I owned the house prior to marriage and all of my savings went on house renovations and 5 rounds of IVF, my husband had a vasectomy in previous marriage and a child already so we were not entitle to NHS help. Until recently my husband earned significantly less than I did and contributed nothing to the household for 5 out of the 7 years we were together. I am about to get made redundant, and as primary carer to the children I will not be able to have the earning capacity i previously had, as won't be able to afford 2 amounts of childcare etc. I have been told that even after a short marriage he is entitled to around £100K which will mean that I get to keep the house, but not be able to afford to live. I could sell the house but it wouldn't change the fixed costs at all, and not really change my position. I will also not be able to claim benefits as it will show that I had a redundancy payment, even though i will straight away pay this to my ex, so will be seen on my national insurance number etc. Does anyone have any advice where they have managed to pay significantly ex, or any advice on what i can do. Feeling a little scared and vulnerable for the children, as my ex doesn't pay any maintenance and even when it starts it won't be much at all.

OP posts:
PhuntSox · 17/03/2018 19:26

Can you post-pone the payout until you are back on your feet, like when a home doesnt have to be sold until the children are older?

Sally2791 · 17/03/2018 20:40

That sounds totally unfair -is that based on legal advice? It is a short marriage, clearly you have brought more to it and also your needs are greater. Second legal opinion?

Ariesgirl1988 · 17/03/2018 20:48

Is this actual legal advice you've been given or your ex in your head?

2monkey · 17/03/2018 21:10

It's legal advice, apparently its doesn't matter that he hasn't contributed or that he had nothing when he moved in etc. A 5 year marriage is classed as fairly long ironically. I am starting to think i was his meal ticket. He is so unpleasant, and is constantly trying to rile me all the time. He sends such calculated texts and emails all the time like he is playing a legal battle all the time.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 17/03/2018 21:20

I'm afraid it sounds about right OP - as a starting point at least. Do you have a very good solicitor who specialises in divorce? If not, get one. Also empty any joint savings or bank accounts if you haven't already.

BarbarianMum · 17/03/2018 21:25

The thing is, if you were happy to marry him when he had nothing, and stay married to him and have two children with him whilst he contributed nothing or very little then you can't just object retrospectively.

Then again, you have 2 children now and they need to be provided for and that's to be done can form part of the settlement.

Nearlythere35 · 17/03/2018 21:37

It's difficult to advise as the information you've given here is quite limited but I would suggest you get a second opinion as with two very small children, it's possible that your husband might have to wait for his money at least for a few years. The information you've given here is too limited to give any definite indication however. Good luck

2monkey · 18/03/2018 10:52

I wasn't sure how much information to give.

OP posts:
2monkey · 18/03/2018 11:05

I wasn't sure how much information to give. [Sad]

OP posts:
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