Husband broke me. I want to leave.

[Kirsty2334]

I'm in such a pickle.
My husband of 3 years has again betrayed my trust.

I found out he's been talking to an ex about " when They first had sex" he says totally innocent but can't remember what was exactly said. I just can't believe that because it's happened on numerous occasions.

I'm ready to walk away from the marriage. I just can't stand to be near him.
I found this out a year ago and I've been tormenting myself with stay/go scenarios this whole time.

I just feel so trapped.
I don't drive.. and we live 200 miles away from family and friends now after convienently moving us away from everyone a year ago.
I have been so naive in believing he would change... I even married him knowing what he was like.

And one come out the other side of something similar?
How do you leave....
I have money to support us all. I run my own business from home.

What do you want to do?

There are lots of people on MN who will offer opinions and there is lots of good advice too but what do YOU got life to be like?

I do believe once I get away from him I wouldn't want to go back.
I've never heard of it to be honest so I will do my research.
I thought I was just being over sensitive and this is how marriages should be.

I have a toddler so I could definitely take advantage of having him and go to some toddler groups with him.
But I'm very shy. 😔

No. This ISN'T how marriages should be. He's not controlling your movements and time out of love, but because he sees you as his possession.

The more you write the worse it is.

It's called coercive control and is deeply disturbing.

You're in a cage op 😢

Please look at the Freedom Programme online.

@SandyY2K it really isn't as simple as just not asking.

Two books:

Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control

Why Does He Do That? inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Freedom Programme online:

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

Thank you so much for your help.
I guess my only question now is... how?
How do I leave him?
Staying under the same roof as him while he (hopefully) looks for somewhere else to live sounds like torture.

@Flisspaps

I don't for one minute think that's the only issue here, but getting out of the habit of asking permission is a start.

The OP doesn't want to/can't leave right now...so its about doing things to make it a little more bearable...until such a time as things either improve or she's able to leave.

How - is what Women’s Aid is for. Give them a call. They will help you make a plan.

I would look around on the quiet to find a new smaller place that you can afford alone. It would easier and safer not to tell him. Once he realises you want out he will try to love bomb you and guilt you into staying. So don’t tell him.

He doesn't see his behaviour as anything more than him loving us though.
If I take the kids away from him without say it anything won't that cause more harm that good?
He is a good man other than the control issues and lies.

I’m not saying you should deny him from seeing the children, just that it would be wiser to get out and set up in a new home before you start discussions about divorce details - finances and child contact etc.

He’s not a good man, he is a very controlling one and the fact that he has no insight into his behaviour is par for the course. He thinks he’s entitled to behave the way he does as he doesn’t really understand or care that you have the right to live without control.

If you tell him you are leaving he will simply manipulate you into staying.

noones forcing you to leave, but he is being abusive and coercive and controlling and he is isolating you. He will do the same to your daughter as she gets older and develops her own mind.
Your own post says that he has broken you and you want to leave, then youre saying that youd rather stay than move your daughters school. Her school isnt the only lovely school and she is tiny so its not an established friendship group. It will be a lot harder the longer you leave it I think