Passive aggressive friend (I think)

[villageshop]

Recently a long term friend seems to be behaving towards me in a way I think is called passive aggressive. After our regular meetings I feel bad and I've been mulling over what is going on in our interaction.

The background and an example:

A year or so ago we moved from the village where we both lived for donkeys years, to a nearby town in a stepping-stone move, so we were no longer neighbours but our friendship continued unchanged. They (her and her partner) come over quite often to socialise.

We have just found a forever house near where we used to live, though probably not walking distance (though it's on the bus route) so we won't be neighbours as such like before but very much back in the vicinity.

What is puzzling me (and upsetting me to be honest) is that whenever I say anything about our move back I get absolutely zero response. I don't rabbit on about it but have said how happy we are etc, and you'll be able to pop in etc, and I get zero positive feedback from her.

I wish I knew the reason. I thought she'd be pleased but the deathly silence that greets anything I say about it is getting me down.

My partner said she might feel threatened about the new friends we might make on the other side of the village as she has a tendency to want to be my main friend. (in the past she has run down other friends of mine, though she has lots of friends herself - far more than me). Anyway, I feel I want to reduce our contact as it's making me feel rubbish.

Opinions please.

You're clearly excited but not everyone is so extatic about other people moving house. You could just be overthinking it. Or she could be jealous if she's the jealous type and your new house is going to be nicer than hers.

Thanks for replying. Our house will be quite modest compared to hers although we will be making improvements and hers is maybe a bit tired looking though I don't think that sort of thing (house stuff) bothers her.

I get that she's not as excited as us but if it was the other way round and she was moving back close to us again I would have acted pleased (or more like I would have acted delighted) about having them back in our neck of the woods.

Ask her how she is is general if she doesn't seem her natural self. She might have something else going on.

Go with your instincts. If she makes you feel rubbish and is not excited about your move back e.g. suggesting more meet ups now that you are closer, reducing contact would be a smart move. Making new friends would also be a smart move. As you will live in the same town, at some point you may bump into each other. I would downgrade her from close friend to outer circle friend or acquaintance.

I agree that it would be a good idea to make new friends where you are now. If this friend isn't enthusiastic about you moving closer to her then just don't push it. If you stop talking about it, she might eventually ask you how it's going and when you'll be moving.

There is such a thing as trying too hard, I've been guilty of that in the past.

Languid, I know she has some problems at the moment that have affected her and I do wonder if she is depressed, though she would never admit that as she's just not that way. She does talk about them though and I am always there to listen if or when she wants to talk though she doesn't go in for deep conversation, just skates across the surface of things (regardless of the subject) - she always has done and I accept that.

Though nowadays with texting things are even less in-depth, more just updates which I also accept. It's when we spend time together I notice I feel rubbish - it seems to have become quite an unrewarding friendship.

Lonoxo - it would be very noticeable for me to reduce contact (we've been meeting regularly for so long I would have to have good excuses) but I could suddenly be very busy with house move so will see if I can reduce the frequency of get-togethers.
I would love to make new friends in the village and will certainly try. I think it might be best if I keep new friends separate for cups of tea etc and not really mention them to her.

Lizzie48 - that's exactly what I'd decided - not to mention the move at all until she brings it up. We have a social night out arranged soon with partners (her suggestion) so it's bound to come up then but I will underplay the whole thing until then, and that night too unless she shows some interest.