Careful what you wish for?

[Herewegoagainin2018]

I've been here for YEARS, but NC'd for this.

Have had so many bad relationships: cheaters, charmers, controlling bastards. The lot. Took a big step back a few years ago, and have just been concentrating on me and DD. And our lives. It's been great. Lots of nice activities for us together. Job and flat finally stable and sorted after years of uncertainty. Even had some therapy and have ended up in a great place, emotionally and physically.

Always thought meeting someone and maybe another DC would be the cherry on the cake - but thought it was unlikely and was OK with that.

But last summer I did meet someone. He's lovely. And now pregnant. And where I should be delighted, I am terrified and shocked beyond belief.

This is what I supposedly wanted. But now all I can think about is what I stand to lose: special one on one time with DD. My independence. I'm not a control freak (?!), but am scared of relying on someone else again. Making joint decisions. Worried about DD. Scared of another baby. And just worried, because - what if this relationship goes wrong too?? Don't think I'm strong enough to go through all that again.

Am I just not cut out for this?? When I'm on my own, I'm secure, happy, sure of what's what. When I'm with someone - even someone as lovely as this - I'm just worried. About everything.

Am I crazy? Or just pregnancy hormones gone mad? These feelings can't be that unusual after such a shit-storm previously, relationship-wise, can they?

He and I have spoken. And he's been really supportive and said all the right things, but it's different for him.

Help! I either need reassuring - or a some stern words...I do realise that I'm very lucky.

I think this is a massive change for you, and one that it sounds like is causing you to panic as you are no longer in sole control. Take a breath and keep talking to him. He sounds like a decent one so please enjoy what you have

Thanks Marie. It is a huge change, you're right. And yes I guess I am panicking. I suppose I just felt in control of where I was before - now I feel the opposite! It's not a comfortable feeling. But I suppose all change is like that. I will try and enjoy it. Once this panic goes away...

Totally get this. I’ve been a LP for 5 years after I left exH.

Since then I’ve been in therapy, got a good/stable job. Kids doing ok. Independent, friends, know myself better, enjoy alone time and hobbies.

Looking back it is great but... oh sooo hard won!

Am in a relationship now. He’s fantastic. Never thought I would meet someone I wanted to plan a life together with and was very slow to really open up.

So we are planning one day (not now) to live together. Every now again I start hyperventilating at the thought!

I guess it’s a pretty daunting thing after building your self back up to throw in your lot with someone else. I’m not supposed you’ve got the jitters! I think there’s nothing wrong with you. Just take it a day at a time. None of us know what’s round the corner.

Congrats to you

I hear you too!

I left my controlling husband and found my feet, concentrated on my kids and myself, then bam! Met this awesome guy who has taken everything in his stride. We made a joint decision to live together, now it's happening I have moments of ARGH!

I think it's normal to panic, it's a massive change, but you've got this!

Are you sure you want this baby?

How many weeks are you?