Brain cells wanted.

[loadsanloads]

Married 22 years, 3 teenage kids. Husband has a horrid habit of lying about things from chasing women ( in the form of messaging, chatting up when we are out together ) through to concealing a big drink problem some years back.
All this has dented me. Dented my self esteem and made me question my own sanity time and time again.
So just recently I find he owes thousands. I can't go into details as it's too outing but he attempted to conceal this from me too.
So here I am, had enough and although I love him very, very much, all trust has gone. I know that because there is no trust, I'm going to make his life hell with my growing insecurities.

Wtf do I do? We are now in no mans land. I've told him I can't go on but my heart is breaking...again. I want to tell him I love him and miss him terribly but I'm setting myself up to be shat on time and time again.

I can't see the wood for the trees at the moment and I just wish I could hate him or fall out of love with him. Am I too far gone? Too dependent? Delusional?

💐 It's awful when your head and your heart are pulling you in different directions. But you've recognised what the consequences of staying with him will be. You'll be feeling like this every time he fucks up. And you know from experience that he keeps on fucking up over and over. How much more pain can you take?

It's ok to still love someone while walking away from them. It doesn't mean you're doing the wrong thing. It means it's self preservation.

Time to reframe this:
I love him and miss him terribly
to this:
I love and miss the man I thought he was.

@Sn0tnose thank you. I think this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do but you're right, I have to let him go otherwise life is going to be torture for both of us.
@NotTheFordType I'm not even sure I remember who he was other than this mess. I don't want to be his mother and scald him every time he lies to me. Can't quite believe we are here in this situation.