Sad thread to voice/process my regrets

[PerfectlyDone]

Today STBXH is moving out and while that is what needs to happen, I need to grieve the loss I am feeling.

The loss of what I thought our family was.
The loss of what I thought our live together was going to be.
The loss of who I thought he was.

It is going to be a hard day

Perfectly done, I am so sorry. We hope that our expectations and hopes will happen. It's awful when that person is not the person you thought. Are there any things that you can plan to do to cheer you up? I'm sorry, it's horrible .

Perfectly you’ve expressed that feeling of loss at separation well - perfectly

I hope you find strength today and in the weeks and months ahead. To feel the grief fully in the knowledge you will come through.

It’s hard though

First van full of belonging is just leaving.

I fucking hate this

I'm so sorry. It's the worst time, isn't it? Can you go out of the house so that you don't have to watch him move out?

Tonight rearrange everything - you'll feel a lot better after that.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this Perfectly, it is like a form of grief. It will take you some time to deal with it, and just when you think you’re doing ok, a bolt out of the blue will hit you! It’s not always a linear progression from being devastated to being ok, there are always bumps along the way. But you will find your happiness. I’m the meantime, take care of yourself, surround yourself with people who love you and get out and about as much as you can to distract you.

So sorry you are going through it. I am at the start of the process (waiting for mediation) and feeling very low today. Hope you're okay

It's such a horrible day. That was me two years ago now, only I was the one leaving. It was just the pits and I couldn't stop crying. My heart goes out to you.

If it helps at all, a year later I was happier, and now two years later I am MUCH happier. It's just time you need x

How did it go Perfectly?

Give yourself time to mourn. It's understandable, and needs to be done. BUT.... don't let yourself get bogged down by the grief. You're doing this for a reason, a good reason. At some point you need to dust yourself off, and move on.

Thank you, all

I know that it is the right thing to do, I know that I will be fine in the long run, but I don't quite feel it yet.

He is away with our boys, to Ikea and for meatballs. He is treating the whole thing as some big adventure. Just like it used to be when we moved house in the past. And I am gutted

I am going out with friends tonight, nothing wild, just a couple of drinks within walking distance.
Ah well, I am off to make a bed, MY bed, but also the first ever bedstead we bought together 22 years ago when we furnished our first house together.

Oh Perfectly, how awful.

It's wrenching isn't it.

I'm so sorry.

It's possible he's treating it as an adventure because he wants the children to be able to see it that way. Or maybe he's a knob. Maybe both! But I know it hurts so much.

💐

I'm sorry lass. It will get better, but completely understandable that this bit is shit.

I remember the first night my XH took my DCs to see his new home, I bawled my eyes out. I wanted him out, but I didn't want to lose my DCs. However, if they are seeing it as an adventure then it's a good thing for them, so try and put on a brave face when they get home and help them to be happy about their dad's new home.

Then buy yourself some nice new bedding for that bed to make it your own. Be gentle with yourself.

It's hard, but you're going through it for a reason - you must know it to be right underneath.
Best wishes

How are you feeling today?

perfectly sorry you are going through this

It feels hard even when you know it is the right path. As pp said it is a grieving process-allow yourself to grieve the loss of the future you thought you had

Well, I snivelled all over my friends in the pub - not a good look
But they were lovely, there were other things to talk about and I am feeling ok this morning.

I started this thread because so many people in RL are so relentlessly positive about how much better off I am without him and how marvellous my future is going to be, and while all that is true, or at least hopefully true, it is NOT what I wanted, NOT my choice and NOT how I had anticipated my life going.

So yes, adjustment, that is what's happening here. And it is definitely a loss and a grieving process.
Thank you, all

so many people in RL are so relentlessly positive about how much better off I am without him and how marvellous my future is going to be - I know what you mean Perfectly - you can know that it's the right decision but still feel upset about it. At the moment you're in limbo, you don't have your great new life yet, you're still in the process of losing your old life and its ok to be struggling with that. Don't try to put on a happy front all the time, just try to be positive for your DCs and indulge your sadness on your own and with friends.