Infidelity

[Sadlyoverlooked]

Hi everyone

Please help me with my partner of 2 years.

We don't live together yet...but I am at his house a lot. Recently realised he was cheating after finding a new Facebook account he had with him sending Valentine's gifts to another girl publicly and her thanking and tagging him. Looks like whole family know him.

Quick search so far reveals...car permit tickets for her address, receipts for cinema and outings with her children (I cant have kids so this is particularly hard), receipts for being in her city when I thought he was at work and even birthday things from last year meaning it's gone on a year.

Very upset but havent confronted him...

I.know people lead double lives but honestly shocked at extent of this

OMG how awful! What an absolute ahole! fair enough if he wasn't happy in the relationship anymore but he should have had the decency to at least say it to you not cheat! if it was me I would kick him to the curb and move on, easier said than done but once the trust is broken its extremely hard to get back. Really before you confront him think about what you want to do are you willing to forgive him or is your trust in him so broken maybe its best to end it? I would also message his girlfriend informing her of what he's been up to but hey I can be a bitter spiteful bitch when someone hurts me badly and also it could be she also doesn't know. hope this helps

I did think of turning up at her house to tell her. I have the address. The thing is I wondered if she would even believe me. He can be very convincing.

You don't have to turn up at her house just msg her on facebook and tell her if she doesn't believe you then thats her stupidity. I garauntee you if he's done to you he will do it to her leapoards don't change their spots. This happened to me years ago I got suspicious and did a little snooping and found explicit messages to other women and times he had met with one and a really disgusting convo with his own cousin! I didn't bother to confront him I just kicked him to the curb and funny enough he didn't even bother to ask why I think he realised I had found out and went with his tail between his legs

Are you sure he hasn't been with her longer than he's been with you?

Have you met his family and friends?

Some women rather deny it's happening...so you'll need proof of your relationship in order for her to believe.

Omg that made me think again. What if he HAS been with her longer and I just never realised??

He's from another country so no family here :(

hhmm well seems to me its best to kick him to the curb and move on

Honestly, if I were you, since you aren't living together I'd just ghost him. No point in 'confronting' anyone, they just lie and who wants to hear their bullshit and/or attempts to blame it on you.

Get whatever shit you have out of his house and cut him dead.

Oh, and don't think he won't know why you did it. He'll know.

I think he must have wanted me to find out or he'd have hidden the evidence better.

I'm a pretty soft hearted person really. Guess I need to toughen up and move on

Tempted to message the Other Woman though just to see

Thank god you don't live with him.

You have found out what sort of man he is before entangling yourself more.

LTB - you deserve someone much better than this person. Get yourself to an STI clinic and get this man out of your life.

I agre with others saying don’t bother to confront him/engage with her. No good will come of it. Dump and move on.

Sorry this happened, what an arsehole.

I suspected YOU may actually be the OW

Gertie has beat me to it. You may well have been his OW.

I’d Ghost & move on. Confronting him will serve no purpose

That sucks I'm sorry. It does sound like you're the other woman, they are probably his kids. Either way, you deserve better than him.

Omg this is so awful for both you and her. Of course you should let her know and give her the proof. This poor cow shouldn’t have to live with this and should be given the power you have had to get better for herself.

Oh god that’s awful for you op not sure what to do, but it does sound like he’s living a double life. Does he post on your fb or do you tag him with his ‘other’ fb account? Surely there must be cross overs with friends on both fb accounts?

I would be tempted to message the ow but be prepared for finding out you are the ow, so I’d be kind and take a softly approach as it sounds like she doesn’t realise either

Neither of us use Facebook much or so I thought so no crossovers. I also discovered a Twitter account where he pretended to be single. It never ends!

And an Instagram account of pics of him and the kids. Good luck to him and his new family I guess.

Feel bad for the kids if they think they have a nice new step dad and I tell his girlfriend :(

I think you need to really consider that there may not be an OW on the normal MN sense - perhaps neither of you were aware. This is all him.

Ghost him and put your efforts into living a great life. You don't owe him anything - you deserve more.

Thanks everyone.

Dating tips anyone?? :)

Going to have to smile through the heartache and start again

My dating tip would be "don't". Give yourself at least 6 months on your own to get your head together and to learn that you're just fine on your own.

That's horrible hw sounds so horrid :(

Good thing you never did move in with him
Ide ignore him forever, not bother confronting. Ide tell the other girlfriend though and possible send her pictures and texts to etc if she didn't beleive. Not out of spite but becAuse he is clearly a dick and she deserves to know so she can get someone better too